For as long as I can remember, change and adjustment have always been something I struggle with. Whether it's major life changes like my parents getting a divorce, or getting a new job after I had worked at the same place for two years. Everything that was once constant that changes, takes me a lot longer to get used to than everyone that I know. However, beyond all the discomfort of the new, lies the pathway to where I'm supposed to be.
Flashback to my first semester of college, while everyone else I knew was excited to start this new chapter in their lives, I was absolutely terrified. All I had known for the past 12 years was pretty much gone. The schedule, the atmosphere, everything was different and that was not okay with me. Not to mention that my senior year of high school was one of the most amazing years in my life thus far. I was in the prime of my high school career; I had come out of my shell so much and made a lot more friends. I was not the same shy reserved girl anymore. As crazy as it sounds, my senior year was everything to me. It was the first time I fell in love, the first time I'd ever been to a real high school party, and the first time I was truly comfortable around my peers.
Throughout this time however, I would get waves of sadness from the thought of graduation. I knew that change was coming, and that it was coming fast. I tried to blur out the future and just live life in the moment, but I knew the fate and it would not sit well with me. Once graduation passed, I kept feeling like something was missing from my life, I wasn't okay like everyone else was, I wasn't ready to move on yet. By the end of the summer, I had gone through a heartbreak and the thought of having to deal with my first semester of college. Once I started school, I started to notice that it was hard for me to be motivated to get ready for the day and even get out of bed. I would wake up every morning anxious and upset about having to go to school. I missed my high school and my friends, nothing was the same anymore. However, soon I grew tired of feeling that way and I decided to find some help to make the transition a smoother process. For about 6 months, I went to see a counselor and to be honest it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I would not be where I am today without her help. I explained to her about all of my issues with change and how the transitions issue has always been there throughout my life, and she helped me come to terms with the fact that that's just how life is; nothing lasts forever and that things change all the time to make our lives better.
I realize now that as cliché as it sounds, everything really does happen for a reason. The people I met and things I did in high school were meant to be there in that time. They were there to help me grow and mold into the person that I am to today. I am a smart, independent 20-year-old woman and I finally know what I want to do with my life as well. I went from being anxious at school and never wanting to go to class, to now getting ready to go away and dorm at a new school in the spring. My whole life has consisted of change and detours, but none of them failed to make my life turn out great in the long run.
As hard as change has always been and probably always will be for me, I know that what's coming to take its place will be so much better. Also as much as I wish change wouldn't come so often, I believe in myself and things I can achieve...and I would not get anywhere without any change at all. So to all the things that were once in my life, thank you for being there, and to all the things coming, I welcome you with open arms.
