Before you begin reading this article, I need to give you, the wonderful reader of this article, a big disclaimer: This is not a book review. Rather, the words given revolve around what I was able to glean from a wonderful and convicting book by Don Miller.

"Scary Close" took a bit of bravery to crack open for me, considering I have struggled with truly letting the people I love see my true colors. Like Donald Miller, I struggled with putting on a show of my life for those around me in order to feel funny or accepted. Surprisingly, it hadn't occurred to me that other people struggle as well with showing their true colors to even those they trust the most.

This book took me on a journey, and here are three of the many things that resonated with me. I hope they do the same for you and challenge your way of thinking the way it still is challenging mine.

1. To be truly intimate in a relationship, one has to jump.

In his book, Donald Miller lays all of his deep thoughts out for the reader. In one of the early chapters, he gives a story about a dock that was attached to a cabin at which he was staying. He alludes to the fear he felt when he considered jumping off the dock into the cold water -- an action that was so easy to do when people were watching was now an action that invited a scary change. On the dock, Miller was dry and in control. Once he jumped, he gave away the control, and change would happen. It was all about being content and comfortable for Miller. He knew his relationship with his fiancé would stretch him, but knowing he could also stay comfortable in his own safe place was tempting.

I can completely relate to this thinking. It takes a lot of bravery to jump into any kind of relationship with another person, to invite them into who you are. I struggle with abandonment and with people not accepting me for who I truly am. The change is hard to come by. Don challenged me a lot in this thinking, especially when he describes his feelings of energy and awe after he took the leap into the pond surrounded by the mountains.

2. I had to remember that I was created to be in community, and I was good for other people.

I went through a time in my sophomore year at Lee when I felt like my problems were bringing others down. I felt like my friends wanted me to open up to them, but that fear of abandonment took over, and I was fearful that my friends would eventually grow tired of being friends with an emotionally traumatized and depressed person. In this section of "Scary Close," Miller makes a truly wonderful statement concerning self-esteem:

"It is a truly beautiful moment when somebody wakes up to this reality, when they realize God created them so other people could enjoy them, not just endure them."

And no, this is not arrogance, as Miller points out. When we believe we can be good for other people, we appreciate their stories more, and we don't hold back the love we can give others it it weren't from the lies surrounding our flaws we think hold us within ourselves.

3. I am a great performer in life, and it affects true relationships.

Miller speaks at length in "Scary Close" about performing on the stage of life. We take the internal self and only bring it out when we feel safe with ourselves. The outer self often has completely different goals and a whole new personality.

I remember arriving at Lee and feeling like I needed to reinvent myself to be seen as a desirable friend or as someone who had it all together. I wanted to be the person people desired and expected to succeed. I wanted to break my introversion and develop a more overt sense of humor. I spent a while trying to convince those around me of this, only to be truly comfortable and feel accepted when I was alone and not in performance. Miller speaks of his own experience with this concept and makes a profound statement:

"It's true people are attracted to intelligence and strength and even money, but attraction isn't intimacy."

Attraction will not bring about love by itself. I was floored reading this truth especially after struggling with wanting that attraction for so long. I needed that truth spoken more than I cared to admit.

This book changed how I view relationships, and it changed how I view intimacy as a whole.

Here's my final thought: read this book. Let it teach you and convince you the way it did for me.