I know you're afraid. I know it must hurt when your heart and mind don't match up. When you're so weak, that you just cry. I can imagine that people may have led you on and taken advantage of your fragile heart. I know you have witnessed relationships that have failed and I wish you wouldn't have to build up walls that surpass all of the sensitivity you will ever feel in a relationship. I know you feel incapable of allowing someone to fully enter into your life and give them your all and I know how those walls are only getting steeper.
The truth is, you have learned not to rely on anyone other than yourself. You do you. You have learned that at the end of the day, nobody will be able to love you the way you love yourself. You fear heartbreak and rejection and have given up on giving people chance after chance that they don't deserve. You're tired of an "almost relationship" because you have loved someone who hasn't loved you back the same way.
It hasn't been an easy road for you. But there's something I want you to know. People in this world are going to hurt you and let you down. You're going to have bad days and bad nights. You're going to still love the person who broke you. You're going to keep giving your all to the person who has lost sight of you. You're going to have a broken heart and open wounds. But you know what? The best way to heal those scars is for you to give love to yourself. Please yourself. Don't look for love in places that are not grounded.
You're the type of girl who lets people get close, but not too close. You keep your emotions all inside. You keep your distance because that's the only way to protect yourself but the truth is, you're disconnecting yourself from the world. You're becoming desolate and unresponsive to the people around you who want to get to know you for you. You can't become cold-hearted. You can't become envious of others who are happily in love. You become hopeful that someday it will be your turn, but you fear what is to come. You fear the idea of empty promises and crushed desires.
Don't run away anymore. Don't ruin things before they even begin, because there is a person out there that needs you as much as you need them. It's a waiting game. I admire your strength and your self worth. I'm proud of you for standing your ground and for overcoming so many battles thus far.
It's ok to be scared but I want to ask something of you. Unlock your doors and let people in. You may have deceived others but not me. No. I know that behind those steep walls you have built, you secretly desire to let someone in. So go for it.
Because I promise you that when you do, it will be worth it. You will fall in love with someone who has been waiting for you, just as much as you have been waiting for them. Someone who will fall in love with your laugh, your quirks and your smeared makeup when you fall apart. Someone who you can stay up with having deep conversations with until 3 a.m. and who appreciates the idea that you aren't afraid to be yourself.
Stop pretending you're ok and give up the locks. You have been courageous alone, but you don't have to be alone anymore. Trust me.
