Thank You, for not believing in me. Thank you, for pointing out my flaws. Thank you, for telling me I wasn't enough.
You will probably never read this and if you do I want you to know that I truly do thank you.
You have truly impacted my life more than you can imagine. Before I met you I enjoyed going to school and learning. I never wanted to miss school and would pitch a fit if I had too. Before I met you I wanted to get out of bed every day and be with my family and friends and live.
Maybe I gave you reasons to hate me or maybe you just didn't like me because I helped the people who were alone or paid for someone's meal when they couldn't afford it. I knew you hated me when I heard what you called me and how you pushed me.
Countless nights of crying myself to sleep wondering what I had done for you to hate me so much. I remember the frustration and confusion I felt because "friends" would turn on me because they were too scared to stand up to you, just like I was. I remember hating everything, my grades dropping, and my health getting worse.
It's funny because they say "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." Well, your words did. It felt like every day you would take my heart, throw it on the ground and kick it, and every word, laugh, point and remark made it harder and harder to breathe.
By the beginning of Sophomore year, you had finally stopped. You no longer told people lies about me. You no longer told me I was worthless and stupid. But those voices never left my head.
The past year and a half, the words had become so ingrained in my mind that I believed them. I believed I was worthless. I believed no one liked me. I believed I had nothing left to live for. So, I attempted suicide.
The thing is, though, I don't hate you. Sure, at one point I did. I really, really, really, hated you. You had taken everything from me and I blamed you for everything. The worst part was, not that you took it from me, but I let you take it from me. I let you walk all over me. I let you make me believe who I was. I let myself blame God for the hurt I went through.
Thank you for allowing me to experience what I did. Because of the pain, I was able to believe in myself and have confidence. Because of the pain, I am able to worship with a new meaning. It's because of the pain that I am wanting to major in Psychology and help adolescents and teens who are just like me.
If I had never known pain, I wouldn't be someone who is an advocate against bullying and I wouldn't know that the semicolon has a different meaning than just what it is used for in English.
You taught me what it's like to fight for what I believe in, to fight for my dreams, and to keep getting back up when the world knocks me down. I gave you the power to take away my dreams once, and because of it, I've learned to never let anyone do that again.
Lastly, I want to say I'm sorry if I ever did anything that you blame me for. By Gods hands alone I have learned to forgive and am still healing.
Thank you for making me realize I never want someone to endure the pain I did. Thank you for life lessons. I pray you never teach anyone what you taught me.
