It’s 2014 and we are still making excuses. We make excuses for going back to our exes, staying with our deadbeat boyfriends and overall lowering our standards.
Despite our thinking, every guy is not a terrible person. We just make simple mistakes that have a chain reaction into a very large pool of wine, ice cream and tears. The first step in ending a pointless relationship or stopping one before it starts is by realizing our mistakes. Let's look at the bad choices we often make without realizing it.
We think chivalry is dead:
The most common excuse I have heard for poor choice in men is that chivalry is dead. I've heard boys counteract this by saying we are NOT in the 70's, you can pay for yourself. In my opinion, the money is not the issue. I will always offer my half of the bill or even take care of the whole thing from time to time. It's not money, but the signs of respect such as holding a door open or opening a car door. It's the compassion shown during a relationship by treating a girl with the respect and dignity that she deserves. As girls, we complain that chivalry is dead, but look who we are dating. We choose boys who would rather spend all of their money on drugs and alcohol rather than on a day spent with us. We pick the guys who spend more time on their hair than we do and ultimately care more about themselves than they do about us. We settle for the guys that don't believe in chivalry and then make bias judgments about the entire male population because of them. We are not forced into these pointless relationships; we chose them even though we saw the signs telling us to run as fast as we can from the very beginning.
Dragging along the dead weight:
That brings me to my next point. We are girls. We constantly complain. For once in our lives we need to take action. If a guy is not what we want or deserve, say goodbye. Try to picture yourself in ten years with this guy. If you can't even picture it - why bother? If you're not happy now, you shouldn't waste your precious time. This also goes for girls (me being one of them growing up) that are in relationships with guys that are "good for now". You found a great guy that is fun to hang out with for a while, but what happens next? Are you going to stay with him for five years then when he proposes say, “I didn't think it was that serious…?” Don't settle for just a mediocre relationship when there could be a guy out there that's amazing for you. You're selling yourself short.
Going back to our ex:
We all have the moments where our exes get lonely and try to creep back into our lives. It didn't work out the first time or maybe seventeen times so why waste MORE time? Has he really changed? Maybe you are comfortable with your ex because you were together a long time, but there comes a moment when the past doesn't matter anymore. He had his chance and it didn't work out for one reason or another so going back into the same unhappy relationship will just make you even more unhappy. There's a reason the past is in the past...leave it there.
Chasing instead of replacing:
Chasing a guy is like an annoying game of cat and mouse. Just when you think you have them, you don't. We constantly tell ourselves it'll work out if you just give it time when in reality we need to wake up. If he wanted to be caught and tied down, why would he be running? They string us along with excuses and we follow them like a puppy hoping they will stop eventually, but know in our gut that they won't. There could be hundreds of guys that would be happy to date you, but you chase the one who wants you around for convenience instead of someone who never wants you to leave.
Making excuses:
Stop making excuses for yourself and for the guy you're dating. You say you don't want to be alone and that's why you stay in the same unhappy relationship that is going nowhere. Is it really worth it? Embrace the single life and new guys could enter your life that could be actually taking you somewhere. You say he's insecure, or that he just got out of a rough relationship, or even better, has been hurt in the past and is afraid of commitment. Is that really true? He may say that, but in reality, he probably could handle a relationship...just not with you. We make excuses for the ones that don't deserve us because they only give us a little of what we are worth. The ones who deserve us will want us, all of us, not just a part-time, kind-of together relationship. Those “relationships” are complicated, hurtful and confusing all at the same time.
Time is one of the most precious things you can give someone. Don’t waste it on a pointless relationship. You deserve the best, don’t settle for less.
