Socializing is a huge, and very important, aspect of the world. Socializing with others is something that we learn how to do throughout our lives, and it is not a challenging task for most people. Society has taught these people how to make that perfect, gut-busting joke, when to smile at the appropriate time, how to make thousands of friends easily and, in general, how to be a person that everyone wants to be around. Most people find socializing to be both easy and fun; for these people, being social comes naturally.
I'm not like most people, though, thanks to a condition that I've lived with my entire life: autism. Autism is a disorder that basically inhibits a person's ability to socialize with and talk to people. Autism also results in a person having fixed, unchanging routines in their daily lives. Autism has some very noticeable disadvantages, but it also has some good aspects to it, too.
To start with, autism makes it harder for me to express my feelings. Whenever my friends tell me a great joke, a disturbing story, or simply how their days went, I find myself wanting to express my emotions. I want to show my feelings, smile when proper, and feel happiness, exhilaration and various other feelings like everyone else can and does. However, autism makes me feel like a robot. It hinders me from truly expressing myself, and it causes me to come off as monotone. My autism makes me feel less like a human, and more like a bizarre, awkward mechanism that cannot express itself fully. Autism means that I will always come off as disinterested; autism will always prevent me from truly expressing how I feel.
Next, my social skills are affected by autism, too. I will admit that I've come a long way since childhood -- now that I'm older, I can talk to people to a decent degree, and I am definitely able to have full conversations with others. However, I am not good at recognizing certain "signals." Things that come easily to most people, such as how to greet someone, how to know when to shake someone's hand, and how to approach someone that you like are things that are puzzling for me. I don't really know when to start or stop a conversation, when to walk away from someone, and how to say "hi" to people that I like. I can't really figure out the appropriate things to say at times, and I can't inject myself into social situations that easily. Things that come easily to others are a struggle for me. Even though I've gotten better over time, I still don't consider myself an expert at socializing with people.
In contrast, though, autism does have its advantages; I will admit that autism has given me some unique talents that I know I might not have if I didn't have autism. For example, I have always been a good writer and I've always had a noticeable creative side. I have always had the ability to come up with these amazing stories in my head that are filled with unique situations and wonderful characters. These talents have led to me write for newspapers in high school and college, as well as led me to explore the field of art when I was younger. My autism has given me special gifts that I do not take for granted, and it gives me a way of putting my own stamp on the world.
Additionally, autism makes me appreciative for the friends I have. The fact that friends don't come as easily to me as they might to a person without autism makes me appreciate the people who truly love me, care about me and/or accept me for who I am. I may not have as many friends as other people, but the friends that I have are ones that I treasure dearly. My circle of friends genuinely tolerate me and enjoy my presence, and I am extremely grateful for this. Autism lets me see the true friends in my life, and it lets me find people who embrace the good and bad parts of my personality.
In conclusion, autism is a big part of my life. It keeps me from being able to truly express my emotions, and it weakens my ability to communicate with people. Autism forces me to deal with numerous challenges in my daily life, but it has also helped me in numerous situations and ways. Autism isn't something that I like to deal with, but it has shaped me into the person that I am today.
