On Wednesday, Sept. 16, CNN hosted the second GOP debate featuring the who’s who of the Republican Party. The debate, as expected, consisted of a lot of arguing, back and forth accusations and let’s not forget, Donald Trump’s age old question: “Like, why is everyone so obsessed with me?” The twenty-four million of you who watched the debate may already have an idea of who’s on their hot or not list, but for the other 295 million Americans, let’s break down this year’s candidates, their stances, and finally, hot? Or not?
Disclaimer: the facts given about candidates have all been presented with a bias, and do not give a full representation of the candidates. This article should not be your only source of information regarding the Republican candidates.
Kentucky Senator Rand Paul, who’s self-chosen secret service codename would be “Justice Never Sleeps,” had plenty to say about taxes, war, and drugs. The former ophthalmologist and son of Texas representative Ron Paul proposed a 14.5 percent flat tax with no loopholes, demanded that “Boots on the ground should be Arab boots,” and criticized the war on drugs, stating that it had a “racial outcome.” He was the only one on stage Wednesday night who seemed to be a strong supporter of the legalization of marijuana giving the cliché example of a child with seizures that can only be cured by the use of medicinal cannabis, and believed drugs laws should be left up to the states. Hot? Nawt? I’ll leave this one up to you…
Former Arizona Governor Mike Huckabee, aka Duck Hunter, made it very clear that he was against the Supreme Court’s same-sex marriage decision and called the arrest of Kim Davis (Kentucky clerk arrested for refusing to issue same-sex couples marriage licenses) a “criminalization of Christianity…” NAWT!
Florida Senator Marco Rubio, whose self-chosen codename would be “Gator,” had a lot to say about immigration amongst other hot button topics. He referenced his grandfather, a Cuban immigrant and made it a point to defend immigrants in America and the work they do for this country. So on behalf of all of the immigrants and descendants of immigrants (which is pretty much all of us), thanks Rubio! …If you don’t think he’s hot, guaranteed you at least have an aunt who does ;)
Texas Senator Rafael “Ted” Cruz (Codename: Cohiba) was extremely passionate about the Iran Nuclear deal, calling it a “threat to national security” and promising to rip it to shreds during his first day in office. He also did not hesitate to address the hot button topic of shmashmortion (abortion), calling Planned Parenthood a criminal enterprise that should not receive any government funding whatsoever. Cruz voiced his opinions on the matter; I’ll keep mine to myself. So whatchu think? Hot or nawt?
Dr. Ben Carson, codename One Nation, is a retired John’s Hopkins neurosurgeon and happens to be credited with being the first surgeon to have successfully separated conjoined twins at the head, bravo. Carson’s catchphrase seems to be ‘At least I’m not a politician’ and he professes this proudly, calling politicians “politically expedient.” He believes in a flat tax rate, similar to a tithe (10%), and that undocumented immigrants with ‘good records’ should be allowed the opportunity for legal work. Carson prefers being smart over being muscular (in reference to Bush’s response to September 11), but does he have what it takes to run a nation? I will give him this though, in reference to the minimum wage debate, he proposed two minimum wages per state: starter, so the young and inexperienced have a better chance of getting hired, and sustained, for those who have the expertise required to earn a higher pay grade. On behalf of us college students, thanks, Carson; you get a thumbs up for that one. Hot!
All hail his majesty, Donald Trump, who seems to be an expert in all things business, politics, foreign affairs, etc. etc. etc. If you have a question, Trump has an answer; but rest assured, his self-chosen secret service codename: HUMBLE. Although he seemed to not be able to get along with fellow candidate Jeb Bush and made it a point to throw jabs at him all night, Trump claims him and Vladimir Putin would get along just fine, allowing him to create a more “stable world.” Like Carson, Trump has no political job history on his resume and uses his net worth as a way of establishing his worth, reminding us time and time again that he cannot be bought. Trump’s biggest issue addressed in his campaign is immigration. He is certainly not soft spoken on the matter, blaming immigrants for gangs and criminality, and promises to not only deport the 11-12 million undocumented immigrants in America (that’s 15,000 immigrants per day for 2 years), but to also build a wall to keep them out for good unless they “deserve” to return. Let’s just give him a big fat NAWT and move on…
Former Florida Governor Jeb Bush, codename: Ever Ready, defended big bro’s reaction to September 11, stating that “Bush kept us safe.” He also went on record saying that Kim Davis was wrong, and she should have carried out the job she signed up for regardless of her personal beliefs. Side note: Bush was a total stoner in high school, so while his ‘420 blaze it’ street cred didn’t allow him to say much on the matter of legalization, he did comment on his being against it. Did you know Jeb speaks Spanish? That’s pretty hot, but he’s got some nawts in his campaign too.
Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker chose the codename Harley because of his love for riding his hog. While he did claim to be the only candidate on stage with an actual plan to repeal Obamacare, he called the idea of a minimum wage raise “lame” and said that higher education leads to bigger paychecks. Any college grads care to comment on this statement? I’d say he’s nawt so right about this…
Former CEO of Hewlett Packard Carly Fiorina didn’t think twice to call out Trump on his four bankruptcies when engaged in a back and forth debate with him over who led a more/less successful career. She was the only woman on stage that night, but she made it very clear that she has a plan, and a pretty strong one at that. When asked “What would you do if you were president right now to stop Russia’s Putin from propping up Syria’s al-Assad?” she went against the answers of most of her opponents who spoke of negotiation and alliances and said we should NOT talk to Putin. Arm the Jordanians and the Kurds! Give the Egyptians the intelligence they’ve been asking for! Rebuild missile defense in Poland and send a few more troops to Germany! We get it, Fiorina, you’re not a weak pretty little face, but maybe you could tone it down a little? On a scale from hot to nawt, I give her an ehhh.
Ohio Governor John Kasich (codename: Unit Two) was one of the lesser outspoken superstars of the night, but one statement he made that went against what was expected of him: Don’t defund Planned Parenthood, he says it will give the GOP a “bad look.” On the topic of Planned Parenthood and shmashmortion, I’’ll leave this one up to you; Is this hot or nawt?
Last but not least, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, codename True Heart, spent much of his time backing up his political agenda with “look what I did in Jersey!” He emphasized his plan to pay attention to middle class America’s needs and believed Planned Parenthood should be defunded (just like he did in Jersey). He believes Trump’s plans for immigration are outlandish and not doable, and instead proposes that people entering the United States with a visa should all be fingerprinted in order to be better tracked and made note of.
There were a lot of candidates and a lot of topics covered in this three hour debate, so let’s look at some of the established majority opinions.
- Can Trump (and his temper) be trusted nuclear codes? NO.
- Do the candidates trust Iran with the Iranian Nuclear deal? NO.
- Should Marijuana be legalized in the United States? NO (except Rand Paul).
- Gun Control? NO, thank you.
- Social Security? Save it for those who need it, not all those who pay for it.
