Tinder is one of the most popular dating apps on the internet today. Users swipe on individuals of the gender they are interested in with the hopes to "match" with others to spark up some sort of romantic relationship whether it be a casual hook up or a more serious thing. The reason why I had a Tinder was because when I first moved off to college, I wanted to meet new people I was surrounded by. I would have conversations of all sorts. I had very dry conversations with no substance to them, casual small talk conversations, and conversations that have made me severely uncomfortable. One conversation resulted in me deleting my Tinder altogether.
As time went on, I lost interest in Tinder and really didn't feel a need to be on it so I stopped participating in the swiping craze. However, last week I got a notification from the app (something I rarely get anymore) and was absolutely horrified by the conversation that sparked from it. A man named Ryan sent me a message that immediately gave me bad vibes and looking back on it now, I don't know why I responded or even why I let the continue after a certain point. But also when I reflect on this conversation, I can pull out a few things that will immensely help the male population the next time they're trying to strike up a conversation with a woman.
1. Don't start a conversation by talking about your sexual fantasies.
Ryan Marincic
Any woman out there will tell you that this is absolutely 100% true. We aren't impressed, amused, or even slightly attracted to you when you say things like Ryan is saying to me. We just genuinely wonder what goes through your head to make you think, "Ah yes, this. THIS will make her want me."
**NEWS FLASH** IT SURE AS HELL DOES NOT! Please keep any and all comments about your genitalia to yourself because we don't want to hear them!
2. NO MEANS NO!!!!!! (2, 3, 4)
When you get the slightest hint or most subtle clue that the girl you're trying to get with is unhappy or uncomfortable with the things you are saying, stop. If she asks you to stop talking the way that you are, stop. If she asks to change the subject of conversation, change the subject. Consent is key in everything you do, not just when it comes to sex.
Going off of the consent point, when we try to tell you how we feel about something you're doing, LISTEN TO US!
In this case, I think I make it blatantly obvious that I'm uncomfortable with what Ryan is saying by sending a classic Britney Spears GIF his way. I thought that would be a great way to visually show that I am not okay with what he's saying in hopes that he would cut it out without having to be aggressive and direct. Sadly he did not catch on. Listen to what your lady has to say! Take what your lady is saying into consideration because her thoughts and feelings are just as valid as you think yours are!
3. When you're in the wrong, own up to your mistakes.
This is a simple way to solve any future conflict you may have with a woman. Don't be like Ryan. When you get called out, don't make the, "I was just joking around" excuse. In situations like these, it's very obvious that you were not. If you screw up and she calls you out on it, just own up to it. If you make excuses you will get absolutely nothing less than a completely enraged female on your hands. And that's not something any man wants to deal with.
4. If you're trying to defend your actions, don't attack your female counterpart.
This should be common sense when dealing with any conflict between any two parties. You may feel the need to tear the opposing parties to shreds, however, if you're having hopes of starting a romantic relationship with them, this is the worst possible move you could make. However, if you think that your female-of-interest is being completely unreasonable, please tell them in a calm and non-attacking matter. Insults and negativity will get both parties nowhere, no matter what case. On that note, if an insult does slip out, make sure you know how to use it in a sentence correctly.
5. Be a decent human.
I can't stress this enough. Be. A. Decent. Human. Being. I know that all men aren't like this because I have brothers and guy friends who are sweet as peaches and know how to treat women right. They see me as an equal, they don't belittle me, call me crazy when they don't agree with me or put me down in any way. I actually showed this conversation to a number of my guy friends and they all had a different version of the same response. They all apologized that I had to go through that. They all told me (and were completely honest and unbiased about it like I asked them to be) that I didn't say anything wrong or overreacted in any way. And they all told me that they were thankful that I told them about this experience because it helped them become more aware of the assholes that are actually out there and why women tend to give men the cold shoulder upon their first interactions.
Men, if you get that "cold shoulder" from a woman when you first meet her, know it's nothing against you. It's just us putting up a guard because we don't know if you're bad news. We don't know how you're going to treat us. We don't know how you're going to advance towards us. We don't know what your intentions are. We hear too many stories on the news and from our friends about guys like Ryan and because that's all we hear about, it's all we can think about.
So naturally, we tend to be guarded in order to protect ourselves. Interacting with the opposite sex is not something we should have to fear. We should be able to feel comfortable with it, but unfortunately, that is not the case. The world is already filled with issues and awful people as it is so you don't need to add to the mix. Respect women. Respect men. Respect people. It's as simple as that.
