I recently stumbled upon a New York Times article by Seth Stephens-Davidowitz titled "Google, Tell Me. Is My Son a Genius?" The articles starts by saying: "MORE than a decade into the 21st century, we would like to think that American parents have similar standards and similar dreams for their sons and daughters. But my study of Google searches suggest that contemporary American parents are far more likely to want their boys smart and their girls skinny. It's not that parents don't want their daughters to be bright or their sons to be in shape, but they are much more focused on the braininess of their sons and the waistlines of their daughters." Stephens-Davidowitz goes on to say that "Parents are two and a half more times likely to ask "Is my son gifted?" than "Is my daughter gifted?" Parents show a similar bias when asking other phrases related to intelligence..." He further explains that, "Parents are one and a half times more likely to ask how to get their daughters to lose weight as they are to ask how to get their sons to do the same. Google search data also tells us that mothers and fathers are more likely to wonder whether their daughter is "beautiful" or "ugly". Parents are one and a half more times more likely to ask whether their daughter is beautiful than whether their son is, but they are nearly three times more likely to ask whether their daughter is ugly than whether their son is ugly. How Google is expected to know whether a child is beautiful or ugly is hard to say. Stephen-Davidowitz goes on to assure that he "did not find a significant relationship between any of the biases...and the political and cultural makeup of a state."
Damn.
As a momma, I'm always curious to read about other parents. I enjoy seeing what other parents are doing and how they handle parenthood and all the chaos and obstacles it throws their way. Reading articles and blog posts prompts me to stop and reflect on my parenting style and the way I deal with the craziness that is parenthood.
When I stumbled upon Seth Stephens-Davidowitz's articles, I didn't think I would feel so strongly about the subject. Do parents honestly have such different hopes and dreams and standards for their children based on their sex? There was such a stark contrast in the statistics that Davidowitz provided, and it made me think about the dreams and the standards and the hopes I have for my own little ones. Do I hold my eldest child, my daughter, to different standards than my son? Is it because she's a girl?
I thought about it, and then I thought about it some more. And then I thought about it even more. I realized that yes, I do hold my daughter to different standards than my son, but those standards are based on her age. Not her sex.
My oldest is almost nine. She just finished third grade, and she is involved in a great deal of extra-curricular activities. As an almost-nine-year-old, she has chores. She's responsible for cleaning her room, making sure her dirty laundry gets into her hamper so that it can all get washed. She's responsible for making sure that she has what she needs ready for each activity -- sash for Girl Scouts, Bible for vacation Bible Study, jersey for softball games -- and she also helps to feed and take care of the cats.
My youngest is only one-and-a-half. He's responsible for throwing his toys around and having a temper tantrum. When we clean up his toys, he helps, and he's working on learning to brush his own hair and his own teeth; occasionally he is able to feed himself without making a mess. He is almost completely dependent on me and his father for everything.
Those are different responsibilities and different standards that my kiddos are held to. I don't expect my son to clean up his mess without being prompted or without help; I do expect that from my daughter. These are in no way related to their sex; it's all based on their ages.
Long-term, I want the same thing for both of my babies. I want them to do well in school. I want them to make friends and have fun. I want them to laugh and make memories that last a lifetime, and I want to shield them -- forever -- from having to deal with heartbreak. I want to see them be successful, and I want to see them live long happy lives.
No matter what path my children take, I will always be there to support them and to guide them. I will always love them, no matter what choices they make. Why should their sex dictate the way that I envision their future? Why should I concern myself with creating a scenario based solely on their sex and not think about their desires and their personalities?
