Ask a room full of young women how many of them went on an actual date within the last month, and maybe about half of them would raise their hands. Ask the room full of young women how many of them received flowers when they went on a date, and less than half of them will raise their hands. Ask that same room full of young women how many of them would enjoy receiving flowers on a date, and all of their hands up would be in the air. Unfortunately for millennials, the dating game has changed. Interestingly, though, what haven't changed are young women's expectations and ideas of what they want. What has changed? Interactions between millennials. No longer are men asking women to a fancy dinner or a walk around the city, nor are they bringing flowers to their dates. No, now women get a lot of "come over and we can watch Netfix," or they are being asked to attend the same party with the idea that maybe they will hook up with the guy.
I'm not trying to bash the hook-up culture, and I'm not trying to be a hypocrite and criticize those who partake in it; I am, however, describing my concern with the problem it creates in interactions between men and women. Why is there such a gap between the wants and preferences of women and what men actually end up doing? Why are all those women who would enjoy being brought flowers settling for hookups because "that's what everyone is doing now"? And why are more and more people okay with hooking up rather than dating?
So why does a casual hookup seem so much more appealing than actually dating?
Well....
1. Effort: Dating someone takes effort. You have to decide what you are going to do, then you actually have to do it. You have to get yourself ready, look nice, and go. But hooking up? Hey, you might not even have to leave your room; send out a quick text (aka "Netflix and chill") and sit back and wait. You have to be able to communicate and hold a conversation. Most of hookup culture involves alcohol, and let's be real, it probably assists in the decision of deciding to hook up with someone. Minimal effort, slurred words and an increased amount of bravery ease the process, and the next day? You can always blame it on the a-a-a-alcohol.
2. Commitment: Millennials, as much as we hate to admit it, suck at committing. Thanks to the Internet and social media, we are always worried that we are missing out on something better. So why get tied down to one person when a better person may be around the corner? In fact, why risk sticking to one flavor of ice cream when you could have a bunch? Hookups allow for the complete opposite of dating. You can have a one-night hookup and never have to see that person again (see above, blame it on the a-a-a-alchohol).
3. Sacrifice: Dating someone is not only hard work, but it can take up a lot of time. You may have to sacrifice studying, relaxing, doing work, or other things in order to date. In fact, most millennials will tell you that they don't have time to date. (Side note: When did dating become such a hassle?) Apart from that, you're probably going to have to dish out some cash, and what young twenty-something wants to do that? Hookups are free, which is potentially why they are more appealing.
No longer are people going out on a few dates before they become serious or sleep together; rather, dating has become that rare occurrence in our daily lives. Millennials have gotten used to getting things right away. After all, usually it's right at our fingertips. With dating, it's uncertain, and millennials don't seem to like uncertainty.
But I challenge all the young women and men to go on a real date and have a real conversation. And hey, it might not work out, but at least you tried, and probably used a few brain cells during the process as well (instead of killing them with that alcohol). But before everyone goes out and does that, millennials may have to relearn how to have a real conversation face-to-face (so yes, put that phone away).
Maybe doing things the old-fashioned way is still the right way in some cases.
