The first time I learned about rape, I was four-years-old. I had been sitting in the preschool room when another teacher's son came over and laid on top of me, refusing to get up despite me begging him to get off. When I told my mom what had happened, she was furious, and in a state of resignation, realized she would have to begin talking to her preschooler, someone who had just been potty trained, what to do when someone violates your body. She told me that when someone makes me feel uncomfortable and uses "bad touch," first you say no, then, you scream.
A few days later, this boy once again wandered over to me, laying himself on top of me like it as a game as I shouted no. I immediately remembered what she told me to do and did what I knew bestI – I screamed. The boy flew off, and within seconds both of our mothers came running into the room. My mother hugged me and told me I had done the right there, but his wasn't nearly as pleased. She argued that her son was simply fooling around, and didn't know better, despite being a few years older. He was a nice kid, she said, and I shouldn't have overreacted. At the time, I thought this woman was a one-of-a-kind loon, but unfortunately in the real world, there are a lot more like her.
When the Brock Turner scandal broke, I wish I could say I was surprised or that this kind of thing just didn't happen, but that wouldn't be true. He was the Stanford swimmer, "a good kid who made a bad decision," a dumb college boy who had too much to drink, but never a rapist. This train of thought is far from new, but as time goes on, I can't help but wonder if there will ever be a time when rape is taken seriously.
In the 1960s, Hitchcock directed a film titled, Marnie, starting a young Sean Connery. His character, notably a "good guy" rapes his wife on their honeymoon their first night together, leaving her feeling scared and alone. However, as the film goes along, we as viewers are supposed to forgive his character simply because he genuinely cares for this woman and is handsome and oh so charming. One might assume that because the film was made over forty years ago, this faux pas was simply telling of the American culture of the time. Somehow we'd all be able to watch it and overlook the decade's indiscretion because we've gained so much headway since, but unfortunately, Brock Turner was simply a manifestation of this continued rape culture.
Just like that little boy in preschool or Sean Connery in Marnie, his family, friends, and strangers commenting on Facebook posts simply said he was a good boy, it wasn't his fault, alcohol/testosterone/women's clothes do that to people. These people, however, have never been a victim. Try as campus' might, these rapes are still happening, and they will continue to keep happening until we as a community rally around our children from a young age to teach them about respect. We cannot expect them to come to college and understand the sexual assault courses they make us take if they aren't receiving the same information from their family and friends earlier in life.
I have been talked to about rape and the right to my own body since age four, but if young boys aren't taught to respect other men and women the same way, we will continue to be violated and suppressed in the same way we are now. Ending sexual violence begins at home. Please don't let your children believe they have the right to another person's body. Every single person deserves the right to feel safe in their own body. The minute we begin making excuses for rapists is the moment we give perpetrators the power instead of the victims. Be the difference, make the change, and start talking about respect now before it is too late.
