I’ve always felt at odds with the rest of my peers, ever since starting elementary school and continuing to this day. It isn’t that I’m an introvert, or smart, though those traits might have contributed – for the longest time I wondered if I had some sort of mental disorder keeping me from being “normal”. I cry too much, I care about odd things that nobody else notices, and conversations with people often turn out… awkward. According to family members, even as a small child, I displayed most of the symptoms for autism (little engagement with other people, talking to inanimate objects, etc.). There must be something wrong with me, right?

Then I found a book which changed my self-perception, titled The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You. Copyrighted in 1996, it’s a book that contained a lot of new insights for me, with ideas I had never learned about in school or online. The author, Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D., has been studying sensory processing sensitivity (often called “sensitivity”) and highly sensitive personalities since 1991. In one part of the book, Aron describes meeting a woman named Kristen, who had suffered from anxiety, depression, insomnia, and other forms of “craziness." “Then I heard about this research, about being sensitive, and I thought, Could that be me? But it isn’t, I know. Is it?”

My thoughts were exactly that of Kristen’s. I read the book, took the self-test included inside, and came to the conclusion that yes, I was one of the 15-20% percent of the population with this personality trait (NOT a mental disorder that requires official diagnosis!). It turns out there’s a lot of information on this personality trait available online, once you know the right phrases to search for. Here are some key traits of a highly sensitive person (HSP):

1. HSPs feel emotions more intensely, are more emotionally reactive, and often cry as a response to stress. “You take things too personally,” is a common accusation, but I often find myself getting upset when people are having an argument or simply angry – even if their feelings have nothing to do with me. For this reason, HSPs can be more likely to suffer from depression or anxiety.

2. HSPs are very self-aware, whether it comes to your thoughts, mistakes, or actions towards other people. This can be a blessing and a curse. A) People tend to like me because I’m striving to treat everyone with respect. B) I will often catch myself ruminating about that stupid thing I did back in second grade. C) I hardly ever make the same mistake twice because I feel so bad about the first time.

3. HSPs tend to be more observant, and have a greater appreciation of art, nature, music, etc. While I’m often guilty of being distracted by my own thoughts, I also tend to notice small details about what’s going on around me – snippets of strangers’ conversations, how people decorate their offices, interesting facial features, and so forth. These tiny observations also help me to appreciate art and music better – maybe the bassline to a song, or the way artists portray light and shadow in paintings.

4. HSPs can get scared easily. Again, I feel things more intensely than others. I have trouble watching horror movies because I get too wrapped up in the violence and terror going on, even if the story is genuinely intriguing. I also startle easily: because I often focus on things going on in my head, people unintentionally sneak up on me and scare the living daylights out of me.

5. HSPs enjoy time by themselves but are also good at working in a team. I spend a lot of time inside my own head, and I'm perfectly content with reading a book or working on my writing, rather than doing group sports or going to loud parties. But when it comes to accomplishing tasks, as long as I'm in a group of people I mesh with, I can use my strengths to further team efforts. For example I'm on a bar trivia team in a league, and I'm often the one with answers for questions related to music – though my good memory and observation to detail are valuable for other categories as well.

There are many other facets to being highly sensitive, too many to list. If you think this could be you, self tests are available online, and also tips for overcoming the unique obstacles that HSPs face. The important thing to remember, however, is that there's nothing wrong with being highly sensitive. In the words of Dr. Aron, "You truly are a different breed." You are who you are, with both flaws and gifts. Don't be afraid to own them.