"As we passed each other, my body stiffened and my heart sped up. My eyes dart past you and your smile. I hate how much I care about you, how much you affect me and my mood. I didn't ask to fall for you; it kind of just happened. Though I believe in fate and destiny, this may not be meant to be. You made me happy, but I guess you got tired of me in the end. You will always hold a place in my heart. As many times as you hurt me, I will always end up falling for you again."
This an excerpt of my late night feelings when I thought about "him." I was head over heels for a guy who stole my heart sophomore year. "Perfect" - that's how I would describe him.
He was the one I was looking for, he had everything I wanted in a guy…or so I thought. We would talk every day, pass notes in class, and I was convinced he liked me. My heart soared when he would say my name, and my smile was evident when talking to him. All of a sudden he stopped talking to me and I was so confused. Did I do something wrong?
I racked my brain for weeks to find an answer to my question. In two years time, I realized I wasn't the one to blame. He just got tired of me, so when summer came I tried to get him out of my head. Junior year I was in a love/hate relationship with him that he wasn't even aware of. My friends would tell me to forget about him, but their words didn't matter to me. It was my heart that was controlling me. He was a labyrinth that I couldn't get out of. We would always talk about our favorite sport. I texted him about it and we started talking again. I thought everything was going great until I found out he kissed a girl at a party and my heart was shattered.
That night I made a decision to let him know how I felt. In a moment of weakness, I sent the forbidden text, "I like you." As I tell this story some of you are probably judging me and thinking "she's crazy," but let me tell you, I don't regret it one bit. My heart dropped when he replied, "Sorry I only like you as a friend." That was all the confirmation I needed to move on. There was no "what-if's" clouding my mind. Senior year was the ongoing battle between my heart over my mind. I can tell you this was my first experience with love and heartbreak. This is the last of my feelings I wrote about him:
"Finally, I am going to let you go. Bye. Thank you for showing me that I deserve someone better than you. Thank you for the endless memories you have given me. Though, it's been a ride: I have to let you go. I don't deserve this pain. Here are the scissors cutting the string between my heart to you. 'Snip, snip' Goodbye, my high school crush. You won't be missed."
If you find yourself in this situation, remember this is just one chapter in the book of your life.
