I figured I may as well be blunt with the title because this is a topic that shouldn't be taken lightly. While I am being blunt and honest here, I am writing this because I am trying to distract myself from the urge to get my fix because, ladies and gentlemen and whoever is reading this: I am a porn addict.

I know, shocking, right? For those of you who know me, you may have never guessed in a million years (unless I have already told you,) that I, a girl who was brought up in a Christian house with strict parents, went to church every Sunday, serves regularly, couldn't even utter a swear word until the end of freshman year, and tries to live, to the best of her ability, showing God's love through her, is addicted to porn.

Now, let me get one thing straight. Just because I am a porn addict does not mean I still actively watch porn. What it means is that even though I can now say no when I want to or find other things to do to distract myself until the urge goes away, I still get urges and have to fight them off like any addict.

But here's the thing. None of the facts about me I mentioned earlier have anything to do with being addicted to porn! You can be male or female or anyone in between—Christian, atheist, agnostic, 64 years young or 11 years old—none of that matters!

Recently I read an article on the website Fight the New Drug called "Why Our Generation Is Watching Porn to Learn About Sex." This website is notorious for providing factual information about the porn world and helping educate the world about how being addicted to porn is an actual thing. This article was very well put together, I do recommend that everyone reads it, but I'm going to be a bit nit-picky while still addressing other aspects of the addiction itself.

1. I get that the article primarily focuses on the male population, but guys aren't the only ones effected.

Take me for example: I started watching porn at eleven. Sad, I know, and I'm not the only one either. I have talked to several girls that have admitted to at least watching porn once, if not struggling with it consistently. But please, don't blame my parents, because they put up precautions and tried their best. I was just a persistent, curious kid with an expanding mind that led me to dangerous places. But that's part of my next point.

2. Porn is everywhere.

I'm not just talking about sites that are specifically made for porn, I'm talking about media in general. Everything is over-sexualized. It's even suggested with links to articles or slideshows entitled, "This photographer got way more than just a photo," or any other clickbait. But let's talk about the most well known, over-sexualized event in the country (and perhaps the world): the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am a huge fan of the Victoria's Secret fashion show, because it is literally art on unattainable bodies with sometimes awesome music for about an hour. However, if you tear away the elaborateness of the show for just calling it like it is, it's a bunch of women who are getting paid to walk down a long strip of floor in underwear that leaves nothing to the imagination and makes their breasts look two sizes bigger than they actually are. Men and women gawk at them, with women (and some men) wanting to be them, and men (and some women) wanting to have them.

3. Unlike alcohol or drug addiction, it's something people can easily hide.

Now when I say "easily hide," I mean you can't smell it on them or see a change in their appearance, unless under eye bags from staying up too late in front of a screen counts, which it doesn't because what teen doesn't do that with Netflix, Instagram, or Facebook. I know personally I was able to hide it for years as long as I cleared my browsing history. The biggest change is internal and psychological, not physical.

4. It can give you serious doubt and make you anxious.

You know that feeling when your heart starts racing because you hear footsteps when you think you're home alone and you're terrified that someone is going to kill you? Imagine that, but instead of the footsteps just being figments of your imagination, they're real and someone is about to find you watching porn. Then sometimes the guilt or shame just burns you up inside. I honestly believe that being addicted to porn at such an early age definitely increased the anxiety that I have today. Then there's serious doubt. When you start watching porn, you constantly wonder: "Is sex really like that?" Spoiler alert: 99.999 percent of the time it's not. Porn is fantasy. But it still makes people wonder: "Will I be that good at having sex?"" Will sex really be like that?" "Will I be totally awful when I actually do have sex?" Then you start thinking: "I'll never be as good as the people in (enter video title here)." "I'll never be able to satisfy my significant other because I don't have the feature or stamina that this person has." Thus, the downward spiral of doubt and anxiety has begun.

5. Curiosity killed the cat.

Like I said earlier, one of the reasons I got swept up into the mystery-turned-burden that is porn, is because I was a really curious kid. I mean, yeah, my mom gave me the "sex talk," but I wanted to know what it looked and felt like, not just that it was used for making babies. Also, sex-ed sucks. They tell us all the biological aspects of it, but not the psychological aspects of it. They tell us all about how the girl's hymen may break (if it hasn't already been broken by another activity, like horseback riding or stretching,) but nothing about how once you have sex with someone, you give a piece of yourself away to them and it's more difficult to move on from them. because you have made that emotional bond. They teach us all about birth control, abstinence, and urge us to wait, but they don't explain to us how sex is actually a beautiful, wonderful thing that just so happens to feel really good when it's with the right person.

6. Can you overcome a porn addiction?

I honestly don't know. I struggle with it daily, and some days it wins while some days it doesn't. I mean, some people have gotten past it, but at least for me its' going to be a daily battle that I just have to accept and live with. Personally, I'm working on giving everything I'm struggling with to God and putting it in his hands, including my addiction to porn.

But for today I've won, and that's what really matters.