Hey Now, Love, That Isn't Fair To Yourself

Hey Now, Love, That Isn't Fair To Yourself

I know you're in a dark place right now, but if you cannot see the light yet still within yourself, then how will you ever find your way out of the darkness?

Hey Now Love,

What you're doing to yourself isn't exactly fair to yourself. I know you're in a dark place right now, but if you cannot see the light yet still within yourself, then how will you ever find your way out of the darkness?

Pick up painting again.. I know you love to paint. Your skin is so so so tired. Your skin keeps trying to heal, but you're continuously carving into your skin what you cannot put into words. Your skin is beautiful. Hopefully someday soon you will feel comfortable and confident in it.

Put the mirror in your closet...I know you want to be noticed by the pretty boys at school (which is coming up sooner than we'd like to acknowledge), but your appearance is only one element to being attractive. You have such little control over your appearance, whereas you can choose to be anyone imaginable on the inside. Share your thoughts, passions, and questions. Your mind is beautiful. How you treat others is beautiful. Your heart is beautiful. So when you look in that mirror, you may see what you view to be "imperfections", but can the mirror see your heart and mind? No.

Push away those that don't treat you as you deserve to be treated... You push yourself through unneeded toxic relationships in hopes of things working out or getting better. Ditch the friends that talk about you behind your back. Ditch the boy that isn't committed enough to form a relationship with you, but will use you to feel good about himself. Ditch the ideas of who you wan to associate yourself with and DO. Don't be afraid to sit with someone different at lunch. When you get assigned to a new seat in class, take the opportunity to be forcefully surrounded by people you usually wouldn't talk to otherwise, and see what you have in common with them. You'd be surprised which strangers seem as if you've known them all along.

Build or reform that strong foundation of love and support. Because sometimes we don't exactly have it within ourselves to stay strong, so we depend on others. We are all guilty of this.

When you are swarmed with love, because one of your friend told the rest of your friend group that they were concerned about you, know that they meant well. They simply didn't know what to do, and wanted you to be okay. What an amazing friend in fact!!

You are so loved. Call a friend when you need the comfort of a familiar voice or encouraging words. Hug one of your parents, because they hurt for you too. Go for a walk and admire the way the sun peaks through the clouds. Take a bath and soak in the luxury of hot water and bubbles. Write a note to someone because you know how great it feels to be noticed.

Whatever it is that you need, know that you are deserving of.

Because Love, I hope that you can one day love yourself too.


Cover Image Credit: Lori Oxford

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The Painful Beauty Of Being Alone

Me, Myself, and I got your back.

According to research, humans need interaction with other humans even if the desire isn’t always there. The need for companionship is engrained in our collective DNA and the pain that comes from feeling lonely is a hard proof. However, there are the lucky few who constantly find themselves dealing with the pains of hunger for a companion for almost every friend they have made had never been genuine, and the one friend they’ve got is loneliness.

Believe it or not, that’s a blessing more than a curse.

Throughout my short twenty-four laps around the sun, I’ve seen friends come and go like dirty underwear stains washing away in the washing machine. As I got older, I wanted so much to not be lonely that I lowered my standards of self-respect at the hands of people who were merely fillers in the space. My years of hell were my last two years of college and one year abroad in which I had become codependent on the idealization of having someone to be there for me because the sounds of silence in my apartment made me mad. However, I am ten times stronger for I have learnt to be my own hero when people had then and still now let me down.

Through being lonely, my inner voice became my flashlight in the darkest of tunnels. If my eyes are cameras then loneliness has donated me filters to see through an altered reality we all live in. My hunger pains had become the cement paving a stronger ground for my fragile feet to trail upon. And you want to know exactly why and how? Because at the end of the day, you are the one who has to live with yourself and that harsh pill to swallow becomes a soluble tablet since you’re so used to taking it down dry all of your life.

So I will continue to accept my loneliness and even more so dance with it. I will grab it by the balls and make it my bitch. When another friend or lover comes and then fades away so quick, I already know who to call on speed dial and that’s one is the one who never hits it and quits. To whoever feels the same, I hope this article helped you to realize that you can stand on you’re own two feet, and that you are ten times stronger than you feel.

Cover Image Credit: Benjaminrobyn Jespersen

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8 Signs That 'Friend' Is Bad And It's Time To Cut Them Loose

When they show you their true colors, believe them.

Recently, I've had to cut ties with a long-term friend. We were close for years and although it felt like we had a great relationship, when she showed me her true colors, I believed her and realized she wasn’t worth my time anymore. Saying goodbye to anyone is never easy, especially a friend you've been close to for so long... someone you truly valued.

One of the hardest things to do is to cut ties with someone you love so much, but that you know doesn't benefit you or your life. It’s especially hard when you think they’re capable of changing, or when you question that maybe it’s not as bad as you think, or you’re just overreacting.

Even though it may be hard at the time and for some time after, cutting ties with a bad friend will strengthen you and your life in the long run, because you’re choosing to stick up for yourself and disassociate yourself from the negativity in your life.

Here are seven sure signs that it's time to cut ties with a bad friend:

1. You feel like you're giving your all, and they've given nothing.

When you're the one making the plans, sending all of the texts and keeping up the friendship, this is a sure time that it's time to cut ties with him or her. No one wants to feel like they give their all and get nothing in return. Choose to not be friends with people like this because every relationship should have an equal amount of give and take, and when it doesn’t, they aren’t a true friend anyway.

2. You can't ask for their advice or help.

When you don't feel comfortable asking for their advice with something in your life, they aren't there for you and they never listen to you, you can be sure that this will most likely not change. Everyone deserves to have friends that they can go to for advice or just someone who will listen when you need them. When a friend does not provide this, you can consider them a bad friend, because after all, being there for someone is one of the key parts of being in a friendship.

3. They never ask you how that interview went, or how that first day of your new job was.

When they never care to ask you how the major events were in your life that you had mentioned, why would you want to be friends with them? You deserve friends who are always going to wish you good luck, support you, and show that they care through asking how things are going, and keeping up with your life and things that are important to you. This is a large part of a good friendship that bad friends don’t do. Consider cutting ties.

4. They don't have good conversations with you unless they're centered around them.

When the conversations you two have are constantly centered around them and their life, you can bet that this won't change either. Someone who is self-centered is not a good friend. Choose to distance yourself from people like this and find friends who care about you and your life too.

5. You feel like you have to change yourself when they're around because they don't accept you.

If they constantly judge you for the decisions you make, the things happening in your life or anything else about your character, this is a sure sign that you should cut ties. Being friends with people who don't support you or accept who you are are not worth your time. Friends like this only make us feel bad about ourselves, stress us out and make us feel like we have to change. Being a friend to someone means you accept them completely, without trying to change them, and you should never feel like you can't be yourself around someone you consider a friend. Cut ties and find better friends.

6. You've thought about it for a while.

If you've thought multiple times about cutting ties with this friend because issues keep arising, it may be time to pull the plug. Waiting around and letting yourself keep suffering through an unhealthy friendship will do no good. And trust me, if they've been like this for awhile, they will stay like this. Don't rely on the hope of them changing because they won't.

7. You've talked to them about it before, and they don't listen or understand.

If you've talked about the concerns that upset you and they don't listen or understand you, you should definitely consider cutting ties. Being friends with someone who doesn't listen to you or care to empathize with your feelings is a sure sign of a bad friend. You deserve to be friends with someone who cares enough to address your concerns and strengthen your relationship through working to solve these problems. Consider cutting ties if this person does not hear you out.

8. They go through friend after friend.

When someone constantly has new friends and can’t keep old ones, you can assume that if you’re feeling like they aren’t a good friend to you, other people feel the same way too. Consider cutting ties with someone who can never seem to keep friends.

And to the friend I finally had to let go, thank you. Thank you for showing me your true colors, that I deserve better friends, and that my life is more positive without your negativity in it.

Cover Image Credit: 123rf

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