I’ve been called “heartless” more than a fair share of times. Of course, I don't 100% agree with this since I love a lot of things in life— like petting dogs and that moment when you see your food coming at a restaurant. However, it’s hard for me not to agree when someone refers to me as "heartless" when it comes to relationships.
I don't enjoy romantic comedies or watching "The Bachelor." I tend to shy always from even hugging someone. I avoid talking about my emotions and struggle to let just about anybody into my life on a deeper level.
But I definitely wasn't always this way. I don't think anyone is just born into a mindset that emotions are something to be avoided. Anyone who has switched to the more cold-hearted side of the spectrum most likely experienced something that landed them there.
Fairly often someone will tell me that they wish they could be "heartless" but it’s really not something anyone should strive for if I’m being honest with you. While I’d happily like to pretend that feeling a lack of emotions towards people allows you to avoid getting hurt, it doesn't because there are still plenty of negative effects.
There’s that one person who you weren't "heartless" for and it's still effecting you.
Like I said before no one is born avoiding emotional connections. We became this way because at one point we loved somebody more than we even loved ourselves— and it blew up in our face. In all honesty, that love was probably filled with more emotions and intensity than we really ever imagined possible. It was that kind of love that felt necessary in order to breath, but it left us suffocated in the end. So instead we become heartless because once we cared too much.
I’m sure not every person who goes through this kind of thing ends up feeling empty when it comes to emotions, but plenty of us do.
The constant feeling that you have to “try” to be emotional.
It’s actually exhausting when you are having to try to channel loving and affectionate feelings. Sometimes it’s so hard for me to believe that these feelings just come naturally to most people, while I’m over here having to remind myself to have that kind of mindset. It can honestly feel like you’re playing a role, instead of being yourself. It leaves you wondering how come this comes naturally to other people, yet you have to work at it on a daily basis.
Your inability to let someone in leads to leaving good people.
The worst part of being "heartless" is not being able to open up to the people in your life that deserve it the most. Distinguishing between someone worth trusting with your heart and those who aren't isn't always easy— so instead it’s like we just decide to trust nobody. You can’t go on without trusting someone forever, so eventually, we just decide it’s easier to leave than take that leap of faith.
Realizing that you’re actually hurting those close to you.
Even if you struggle with having emotions, you're not oblivious to other people’s feelings. Sometimes people want nothing more than to be let in, but you just can’t bring yourself to do it.
Being “heartless” is often praised, but the truth is it shouldn't be. There’s almost never a time I wish I could stop holding back when it comes to emotions and letting people in. And more often than not, I’m jealous of the people around me that can love easily.
