From Monday February 8th through Friday February 12th, Alpha Chi Omega will be recognizing its annual Healthy Relationships Week. The purpose of this week is “to foster the development of healthy relationships and by doing so, prevent domestic violence." Throughout the week, people will participate in various activities dedicated to the education and prevention of domestic violence including my personal favorite, the Love Is Campaign. All you have to do to participate is tweet or post on Facebook your definition of what Love is, photo or otherwise, and use the hashtag #healthyAXOlove to participate in the national campaign.

(an example from my Love Is post last year)

But why do we even have to talk about domestic violence? The sad truth is every 9 seconds in the US, a woman is assaulted or beaten; on a typical day, there are more than 20,000 phone calls placed to domestic violence hotlines nationwide and intimate partner violence accounts for 15% of all violent crime. Yet no one is talking about this. You would think with such overwhelming statistics, this issue would be gaining more attention, media or otherwise, but the problem with domestic violence is that it is inherently a private issue. Every day a women is beaten by someone who tells her he loves her, tells her it’s her fault, and tells the rest of us it’s not our problem. So many people would rather sit with their blinders on and believe it would never happen to them, but the truth is that it will. With statistics such as 1 in 5 women and 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) it is reasonable to assume that almost every person in a crowded movie theater knows someone or has been themselves a victim of domestic violence, sexual or otherwise.

The problem is inherently a societal one. Look at all of the evidence stacked against survivors: First we have the Ray Rice Scandal of 2014. According to CNN, on February 15th, the couple gets into an early morning altercation in an elevator where Ray Rice alleges that both he and his fiancé at the time struck one another. TMZ however did release a video on February 19th where Rice was seen dragging Palmer out of the elevator. Was their outcry from the Ravens, from the NFL, from anyone? No. "On June 16th NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell meets with Rice and Palmer at league headquarters in New York and July 24th The NFL announces a two-game suspension for Rice, starting August 30. Ravens general manager Ozzie Newsome calls the punishment ‘significant' but 'fair.’ Then the game change on September 8th, when TMZ released the video footage from inside the elevator, where it is clear that Rice punching Palmer in the face and seemingly knocking her out. If you haven’t seen the video already, please be warned it is disturbing.

So what happens? Pretty much nothing. Janay Rice pleads to the media to have her life back, that she loves her husband and it was all a mistake being now blown out of proportion. Amid the media circus, much of which on social media platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, the NFL announces a new, harsher policy for domestic violence and other violent conduct, more of which can be read about here. But in reality, nothing happens. Because the NFL had already punished Ray Rice for the incident, cries for a harsher penalty are only hopeful. The NFL, which arguably has the most influence national wide, had an opportunity to come out an make a stand against domestic violence and did the exact opposite.

Now, please understand I do not blame Janay Rice and I do not think less of her for staying with Ray Rice. What she decides to do with her life is entirely her choice and no one can know the intimate details of her relationship except her and her husband. But the point is that domestic violence affects more than just one celebrity.

It affects women like Deanna Walters. HBO aired a feature-length documentary about Deanna’s story in 2014. It’s something everyone in America needs to watch, not because they want to, but because it’s necessary. Oklahoma Cop Deanna was kidnapped by Robbie, her estranged husband, and beaten in the cab of his truck over a harrowing four-day journey. They were pulled over by police and she was taken to the hospital. In spite of Deanna's devastating injuries, Robbie was not arrested. I will warn any one now wishing to watch the film that it is graphic. The cop in the film described Deanna’s injuries as the worst he had ever witnessed. But what the documentary does so well is challenge our knew-jerk idea of “why doesn’t she just leave” extremely well. What’s important to understand is that domestic violence is not just physical, it’s mental and emotional as well. These women believe they deserve this kind of treatment. Many fear for the safety of their children if they leave. It is time to stop asking of the victim what she didn’t do and start asking the perpetrator what gives him the right to behave in such a way.

There is an amazing TedTalk by Jackson Katz in which he challenges our idea that domestic violence is a ‘women’s issue’ and shows us it is as simple as the way we talk about domestic violence places the blame on the victims and not on the people behind the beatings. If you’re still not convinced, there is a great video on Youtube where they investigate what it would be like is a robbery investigation was treated like a rape investigation. Once again the video highlights this idea of the ‘how’ - how victims are treated, which questions are asked and in what tone.

Now is the time to break the silence and start talking about domestic violence awareness and prevention because it is an issue that happens every day. These women are not statistics, they are mothers and sisters, friends and coworkers. They’re the nice old lady who takes a walk in the park every day and the young college student working double shifts at Applebee's trying to pay her way. They are real people who deserve our unending support.

As my sister Emma Craig said beautifully the other night during our Philanthropy Night for Recruitment, domestic violence is sad and it’s scary and it’s easy to become overwhelmed; but the best part of domestic violence awareness and prevention is that you don’t have to be a doctor or a lawyer or any other kind of professional to help stop it. All you have to do is start today.

If you wish to learn more about Alpha Chi Omega and its relationship to DVA please click here. If you wish to watch Private Violence, please click here for more information.

So to end this article, I wish to share with you all what love is to me: Love isn't mean or condescending; it doesn't hit or scream or put you down; love doesn't push you away from your friends or family, love doesn't keep you from pursuing your dreams. Love is respect - respect for you, your body, your beliefs, your goals, your everything.