It is incredibly easy to get caught up in the minutia of why a relationship did not work. In my opinion, that is a majority of the reason why people's heartbreaks end up being more intense and painful than they should be. The best way to approach a heartbreak is with your head, and not your heart. Really, think about it—your heart is broken, so why would you depend on it to lead you through such a tough time?
In relationships, I have made a habit of going over a million things I could have done differently and a million situations that I could have handled better. It can become completely overwhelming—it sometimes became the only thing that I thought about. I was constantly upset, anxious and feeling guilty. I soon realized that this was not productive, for a couple of reasons.
First of all, the past has passed. There is nothing that can be done about things that have already happened besides apologizing to those you have hurt, learning lessons from the mistakes that you have made and moving forward with a better knowledge of who you are and who you want to be.
Secondly, by going over the smallest details you get caught up in things that actually do not matter—and you lose sight of the only thing that does matter: the big picture. When going through times of pain, regret and heartache you must remember one thing: If you had known better, you would have done better.
After making peace with your own decisions, you will feel like a weight has been lifted off of your chest, and that moving forward is going to be a lot easier. We all have made our fair share of mistakes, but moving forward you should only have one regret, and that is hurting someone that you love unintentionally—which is something that every single person on this planet is guilty of at some point in their lives.
It is much harder to make peace with the actions someone else has taken and that have in turn hurt you than it is to make peace with your own. Why? Because you cannot control another person’s actions, intentions or thoughts. Accepting that is the first step to letting go, getting closure and, most importantly, forgiving someone that may never realize that he/she was wrong, much less apologize.
Sadness over heartbreak comes in waves, as all grieving does. During these ebbs and flows, you have to look at them as opportunities for realization, growth and self-love. Everything truly does happen for a reason. Pain teaches us lessons and redirects us to the paths that we are meant to travel. You have to keep this in mind in the moments that hurt, when it seems as if the universe is putting you through senseless suffering.
