My husband and I have been together for three years (married for almost two). We have been through a lot in that short amount of time; we often joke that it feels more like it’s been ten years. Normally when people say things like that it’s a bad thing, but in our case I don’t think so at all. We always talk about how hard it is to remember life without each other. It’s hard to believe there were moments in my life when he wasn’t apart of it. From the beginning we had this, “I feel like I’ve always known you” thing going for us.
We have grown a lot in three years and we’ve grown together. Our relationship has been beautiful. We have learned a lot and gone through so many changes together. We went through nine months of beyond stressful wedding planning and hiccups. We dealt with people judging how fast our relationship was moving. We’ve both changed jobs, went to school, bought cars and for the past year and a half we have been struggling with infertility. It has been a wild ride and overall it has been a good one.
I am completely head over heels in love with my husband, but he doesn’t give me butterflies.
Everyone seems to think love is butterflies in your stomach. Electricity. Never being able to predict what the person will do next. Grand gestures, flowers and lavish gifts. I’m not saying those things aren’t great but I can tell you what’s better.
If I’m at a party by myself and feeling on edge, my husband walks in and a wave of relief washes over me. I am instantly more comfortable and less afraid. He looks in my eyes and I don’t feel butterflies, I feel safe.
If I’m having a bad day; one of those days that spiral from bad to awful to worse, I need him. When I’m fighting back tears and holding it together all day, I get home to him and I can fall apart in his arms. He wipes my tears away. I don’t feel electricity, I feel calm.
When I have something funny to tell him or good news, I almost always know how he’ll react. We can guess each other’s thoughts, we have picked up on each other’s habits. I don’t feel like I don’t know what’s coming next, I feel content.
When life gets crazy and gets in the way, he buys me ice cream. I don’t get roses anymore and lavish gifts only come around at Christmas, but I get so much more. Letting me sleep in, rubbing my neck when I have a migraine, and holding my bag while I shop. I don’t feel spoiled with grand gestures, I feel taken care of.
His eyes melt my fears and his arms save me from my anxieties. I can be the raw, unfiltered version of myself with him that not everyone knows. The parade of dysfunction that swirls around my life, the stress that keeps me up at night, it all used to consume me. Now I have this strong man, willing to do anything to protect, comfort, or help me.
No, we don’t have the same spark we did on our first date. He doesn’t blush as much. I don’t spend three hours getting ready before he can look at me. We don’t write as many love notes as we once did. We don’t plan elaborate dates. We aren’t as spontaneous. “The honeymoon” is over, but it’s okay.
My husband doesn’t give me butterflies anymore, but he gives me so much more. He gives me a future I can’t wait for. He gives me security and safety. Contentment and calm. He gives me love bigger and better than any butterflies I’ve ever had.
