un·a·pol·o·get·ic
ˌənəˌpäləˈjedik/
adjective
- not acknowledging or expressing regret.
I will be the first person to admit that I used to be apologetic and timid about being who I really am.
Still to this day I do not understand why I used to be so worried about what everybody else wanted me to be, or who my friends thought I was, or other stupid things like maintaining a perfect image.
I wish I learned to stop pursuing completely unattainable goals (like being perfect) sooner.
I remember how apologetic and timid I was when I first got to Eastern my freshman year of college. I was a nervous music major who knew she could sing and was talented but I didn't fully believe in myself. I either had a huge ego or no confidence at all and my resolution to that was to maintain the huge ego that I had made up for myself.
I was always worried about being perfect. I wanted people to think that I was the best and that I had the best voice.. until I realized that none of that mattered.
I'm still waiting to find out if there is a trophy in the long run for being "perfect".
If you find out that there is, then let me know. Otherwise, I'm going to keep being unapologetic as hell about my good qualities and for my flaws.
Nobody that appears "perfect" is really "perfect". There is always some sort of flaw about them that you simply refuse to see or that is hidden from you.
When I first started at Eastern, I had a silly military boyfriend who I was more focused on than my own education. I never showed up to my classes, and quite frankly I didn't believe that I would succeed. Boy was I an idiot.
Somehow I convinced my advisor at the beginning of the semester to let me take a journalism class for fun. It was during this class that I had a wake-up call. I realized that these weird unapologetic journalism people were so cool and I yearned to have the same unapologetic personality that they had, but I was always too worried about fitting the "standards of who I was supposed to be."
Journalism and Democracy was the class where the seed of being unapologetic was planted into my stubborn brain.
I contemplated doing journalism as a major and a career after that class and everybody would always tell me no. My older sister would double check all of these Forbes articles about the most successful careers and after evaluating these articles would then tell me that journalism was a dead end career. Everybody I told about my interest in journalism always shot me down.
"Why would you want to do that?" (Insert eye roll here)
Internal mockery: LOL F U.
The best decision I ever made was adopting this unapologetic outlook and personality. It took me a while to realize why and how these people that I looked up to became so unapologetic and to this day I am still learning.
My hypothesis: They are just some wacky journalists who drink Diet Pepsi every day and they don't give a shit about the small stuff.
I am going to skip all the crap that happened between then and now and just get to the now. That's what really matters, right?
Now I have no shame in being myself. I just had to get so comfortable and in love with who I was and who I wanted to be, that nobody fazed me anymore.
I'm not saying that all of you need to take a journalism class to learn to be unapologetic by any means. That was just where my seed was planted. If your seed of being unapologetic hasn't been planted then I guess now is the time to plant it.
What I decided to be unapologetic about (Just a handful of things):
Having these little things called feelings and a heart.
My love for Uggs and Starbucks. Call me basic all you want. LOL.
My love for weight lifting. Do you think I'm going to tolerate being told that I'm "just a girl" by some boy? I will outdo that dude and make him my bitch. Sorry not sorry.
My love for Journalism.
My body. Yes, I wear a size 8/10 and wear a 34DDD bra and a huge booty. I am not defined by my body. I don't care if you hate my body or if you love my body. The only opinion that matters is my own. I love myself.
My relationships with people.
It used to piss me off to hear someone say something nasty about me and now I could literally joke about It with them and make them feel stupid for trying to faze me.
I used to be so naive about my own strength.
I used to think that I was "strong" but I had yet to learn what was really within me.
Being strong isn't about being "untouched" or "unfazed" by others and their words or actions. Being strong and unapologetic is looking at whoever insulted you or hurt you and deciding that they are ignorant to who you really are. After that, you are still going to have a freaking amazing day because they don't dictate your happiness.
Being unapologetic has done nothing but benefit me for the better and I would never go back.
Being unapologetic about who you are not only helps you find your voice, but also helps you rediscover who you really are.
Never apologize for being who you are.
Go out and be great my loves.
Liz
