I have depression. Depression doesn't have me. This distinction may seem to some like a simple rearrangement of words, but those who truly understand this disease know that the wording is everything. It's important to clarify who is really in control, meaning that I have say over my disease, never vice versa. It's imperative that I distinguish who holds power over who. The answer to this question lies solely in my hands. If I choose to feed into the constant tormenting thoughts, I'm playing right into their hands. I'm facilitating the disease's power over me. If I choose, however, to empower myself with positive self-talk and mindfulness then I can assert full power over it.

This is not to say that I am able to combat these thoughts all the time, because that would be a lie. Having to be constantly vigilant is tiring, and when I let myself slip that's when those negative thoughts engulf my mind and exhibit their effects on my physical and mental health. Knowing how to shut these thoughts down in a healthy manner is the key to asserting dominance over them. Having the motivation to consistently regulate what is going on in my mind is what keeps me from allowing exhaustion (and therefore negativity) to take over. I can attribute this drive to my schooling, my job, my future career, my loved ones, and my hobbies. Completely delving into each aspect of my life despite sometimes not feeling up to it is what truly warrants me to maintain control over the disease. I know now that if I allow myself to become disengaged it will only perpetuate my feelings of lethargy and disinterest.

Keeping my mind and body busy while allotting time for rejuvenation (an important balance to strike!) is the optimal way to care for and strengthen my entire being. Each person is different, but finding a way to keep yourself going day in and day out is vital when living with depression. Coming from someone who knows what it's like to feel like you have no control over your thoughts or the detrimental effects they have on your entire body. Coming from somebody who has an extensive understanding of the temperamental nature of depressive disorders, I know how difficult finding your motivation can be. But keep searching, because it is you that is the master of your mind and body. The fight to garner that control can be an uphill battle, but one that is so worth it. You and only you have the ability to demand authority over your depression. Remember, you have depression. But depression sure as hell doesn't have you.