Ah, the Kardashians. America’s version of the Royal Family in that there’s a significant portion of the population who watches their every move, even though they really don’t do anything.
You know O.J. Simpson really messed a lot of stuff up that night in 1994. Weather or not he murdered those two people (he did) he was still charged, and tried in what became known as the “trial of the century.”
You see, the juice was boys with Robert Kardashian and he joined his "dream team" of lawyers that got him acquitted. This eventually led to his daughter, Kimberly being just famous enough to be able to get stuffed on camera, thus exploding her fame, similar to her role model Paris Hilton.
But unlike Paris, it wasn't just her fame that took off. It was her entire family and ever since these penis fly traps have been ruining any man they come into contact with. Reggie Bush: NFL career was never the same. Kris Humphries: well he always kinda sucked but that marriage was a crime against all things sacred. Kanye West: bankrupt (or you know as bankrupt as a celebrity can be) Rob Kardashian: nearly ate himself into an oblivion Bruce Jenner became a woman (can't beat em join em) Lamar Odom: resorted to crack and nearly overdosed on boner pills. The worst part about Odom's situation? Besides you know the obvious is how it was covered in the media. The story wasn't about his recovery or his condition. Oh no. The top story was how devastated Khloe was. About the man she was about to divorce. The fact that an NBA champion almost died in a brothel was just secondary. They always have to stay relevant. Recently you had annoying stuff like Kourtney insisting on telling everyone that “American Crime Story” got it wrong and that O.J. Simpson almost killed himself in her room and not Kim’s, and the biggest sociopath of them all Kris Jenner, who I’m convinced is the anti-Christ, complaining how she didn’t like how she was portrayed in the aforementioned show. It’s always about them.
But the carnage isn't limited to lovers. Oh no. This family is the personification of how American society is approaching “Idiocracy” and then came the recent nude Kim picture. Kimmy uploaded a picture of herself naked with the caption "when you have nothing to wear LOL" get the hell out of here with that. Nothing to wear. Your closet is probably the size of my house. Then all of these people responded with tweets/comments saying stuff like, “YASS QUEEN. SLAY.” Listen, we only have one queen and her name is Beyonce because she got to where she is by flying on talent, and talent alone. Not her lawyer father or Ray J’s schlong. Anyone who tries and calls Kim queen is just bogus.
After she engaged in a Twitter war with Bette Midler (it was kind of a wuss move for Bette not to @ Kim but she's an old woman. They make these Internet related mistakes all the time) over it she put out a statement claiming she did it for national women's day as a way to stop body and slut shaming. Oh so the woman who got famous for getting dug out on camera with a body as plastic as Barbie who photoshops herself to all hell is telling average schmos like us who can never dream to look like that to stop body shaming people. You're the one who's body shaming you stupid ass. It was the most hypocritical thing I’ve ever read. And as far as the slut shaming part she says that people need to stop getting on her case for the sex tape 13 years ago. OK Kim, if we remove that you’re just another regular citizen. At least if she kept at it like a regular porn star she’d be working for her money.
The worst part? PEOPLE STILL LOOK UP TO HER AS A ROLE MODEL and nobody seems phased by it. Can you imagine as a parent having this conversation with your daughter (or son no judgment): “So honey who do you look up to?” “Alexis Texas.” “Oh what does she do?” “I’m not sure but she knows how to take a good spearing.” Now swap Alexis Texas with Kim Kardashian and it’s the same thing. But nope people still will follow this family even if means looking like an absolute jackass by trying to suction one’s lips to a cup to look like Kylie Jenner, or voting Caitlyn Jenner as “Woman of the Year” even though she was Bruce for half of said year. Its popularity is like Jerry Springer and trash TV. They’re just as stupid, except they have money.
You want to know why other countries think we’re so stupid? Because of sh*t like this. Maybe if our idols were once again sports stars, astronauts, musicians, politicians (ergo, not Trump), successful businessmen or even something as simple as a neighborhood firefighter instead of whoever can inject the most fluid into their ass, we can start catching up to the “smarter” countries like Japan and not be such an academic and health joke to the rest of the world. That, my friends is how you make America great again. But until that happens, go to hell O.J.
