Growing up, I used to wonder why sadness, not anger, was the opposite of happiness. Think about it. Miserable is a synonym for sad. Yet when we refer to people we encounter as acting "miserable," really we are saying that they appear annoyed. Angry. Bitter. And that about sums up what's on the surface of someone who appears to be unhappy on a regular basis, in most cases anyway.
Because that's the look that we so often put on when we're upset. We make ourselves appear ill-tempered, cross, even infuriated... In a sense, we put up a wall, anything to prevent from looking sad, because we perceive that as weak.
The reality, it seems, is that sadness (whether it be through pain, doubt, or concern) and happiness are the two polar opposite emotions that we naturally experience on a consistent basis. Anger is more of a temporary emotion, coming about when we are threatened or insulted.
It becomes the primary emotional operator as a result of the type of pride and ego that comes from constant consciousness of our self-identity and personal success. Put more simply, anger is not meant to be an overlapping emotional theme in our everyday lives, but it can be if we are ashamed of our emotions or where we're at in life.
OK so what am I getting at exactly? How can this be helped? What's the actual issue? Well, we all need to get over ourselves.
We're always being told that we deserve to feel confident, we deserve to feel good about ourselves and all that good stuff. That's a great idea to support, of course.
But what if... What if sometimes we do deserve to feel crappy. Or unsure of ourselves. Or inferior. Because sometimes those feelings are there to tell you that you're doing something wrong with your life. It's not always because someone's done you wrong or given you unfair treatment. It's easy to get caught up in the blame game, but it takes away from your ability to be able to create change for yourself.
Sometimes being confident is understanding that you're doing something wrong and being willing to adjust, rather than pushing your flaws off to the side like they don't exist. Confidence is not about pretending you're OK, it's about accepting when you're not and still knowing that you're going to be.
It's about being able to look yourself in the mirror and really tell yourself what the root of your troubles is. At first, it's extremely hard. But if you're in the habit of doing it every day, it gets easier. Let yourself go, stop holding yourself accountable, and it'll be hard again for a while.
Being honest with yourself is the only way to create a fulfilling life.
Be honest about your emotions.
Be honest about what you're doing wrong and what you need to do.
Understand that you are responsible for your own happiness.
Understand that it's OK to be upset.
And Understand that nobody's perfect.
"Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you have power over instead of craving control over what you don't."
-Steve Maraboli
