Tinder And The Hookup Culture Have Completely Ruined Dating For Millennials

Tinder And The Hookup Culture Have Completely Ruined Dating For Millennials

When did meaningless sex become more important than committed relationships?
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When I began college, I thought that perhaps I should gain a boyfriend and finally stop being that friend that’s always single; the distant third wheel squeaking in the back for any attention my coupled friends would show me.

Yet, the boys I met were mainly from fraternities and we often would only hang out for a few incidental moments, with our time mostly filled with him talking about how extraordinary he was. Not asking to go on a date, but to merely hang out at his place or meet him at some social gathering, where he drank so much alcohol prior to seeing me that he could barely remember my name. Then despite any drinking impairment he may have had, he always immediately tried to get me alone with him, while his friends gave us sly glances and held up their beers in a congratulatory manner.

Each time this happened, I knew that the intention was not to get to know me personally but, instead, to have sex with me.

Quickly, I would try to make any dire excuse to evacuate the area, with the boy furiously looking at me since I had refused to be his new sexual object for the night. Then, in desperation to look “cool” in front of his male friends by aimlessly gathering women into his bedroom, he would make any manipulative false promise to have me remain by his side. Which usually involved blaming me for “misunderstanding” the situation or that his aura of sexual urgency was all “in my head,” as his charcoal eyes intensified on my dark lips and his hands couldn’t seem to find place their place away from legs.

Disheartened that fraternity boys were not offering me any form of commitment, my naïve self-thought that possibly I could try Tinder, this dating app where some of my high school friends had met their boyfriends. But I soon realized that Tinder wasn’t any better. All of the messages I received from men were about meeting alone, late at night in their bedroom or a yearning for an exchange of risqué messages, which I readily declined.

Now a year later, I am still extremely single.

It seems that no matter where I turn, the dating world seems to be gorged with boys who deeply desire nothing but sex. Obsessed with their image of appearing manly, they became terrified into not “catching feelings” and they fiercely refuse to gain any type of romantic connection with a female. Instead, relying on meaningless sex to satisfy their sexual urges.

With this hookup culture in place and empowered by free dating apps like Tinder, society seems to have destroyed traditional dating.

Now individuals impatiently judge if one is worthy to date or have sex with merely by their initial appearance. Dating apps are structured in a format to cater to the user, which in turn brings people to constantly regard their potential partners in a perspective of what he or she can do for them, while also serving as a symbol that there might always be someone more attractive or better than their current companion.

Thus, it seems as if one is best off if he or she isn't "tied down."

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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To The Girl Who's Still Crying Over the Guy She Never Dated

We've all been there, you never really dated but you might as well have...
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We’ve all been there. Every single one of us. Whether we want to admit it or not, we all have been where you are; so let me just say, you’re not alone. No matter if your friends are the best people in the world, I’m sure they’ve had enough of your sadness over a boy who you were never really with. But that’s what’s scary, it feels like you were together. No matter the amount of time, maybe a month, maybe a year, no matter what, you had enough time to gain feelings for another person and be vulnerable; and that in itself is a tough pill to swallow. Now, the one person you thought would never hurt you, did just what they promised they wouldn’t do, and now you’re left putting the pieces of your life back together.

Enough of the sappy stuff. Let me tell you that life goes on. Whether over a boy, or a grade, or whatever it is, I have always told my friends, “You’re going to make it to tomorrow.” And although it seems like the hardest feat you’ve ever endured, you are going to make it to tomorrow. And then, you’re going to make it to the next day. So it may seem that the day you end things with the boy you thought you were going to be with, is the worst day in the world, you are going to make it to tomorrow.

But even though you are going to make it to tomorrow, that doesn’t mean the situation doesn’t suck. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t cry. It doesn’t mean that you won’t be afraid or feel weird going to the bar you once loved, or the restaurant you guys would go to a lot, or the most common place to study on campus, in fear of seeing him. All of those feelings of uncertainty are totally normal, and in time, it will fade.

My friend once told me, this too shall pass.

So while you’re sad, or crying, or complaining about this boy, your friends might be telling you, “Get over it, you were never really together.” But I promise, it may take a while (seemingly forever), and as hard as it may be to believe right now, you will make it to tomorrow, and this too shall pass. Remember that.

With love from,

The girl who knows what it's like to have to get over the boy she never dated

Cover Image Credit: onehdwallpaper

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4 Signs That You Might Be A Pushover In Your Relationship

There's a fine line between being considerate and overly-accommodating in a relationship, here are some signs to help you determine which side of the line you're on.

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While most of us consider ourselves independent individuals who are secure enough to maintain our own values while respecting someone else's, the difference between being flexible and completely bending to a romantic partner's will can be a slippery slope.

Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean that everything the two of you disagree on suddenly disappears. There are times when you'll have to occasionally make concessions in order to reach a solution, but you should never be the one to relent every on every issue. If you're not sure about how you stand in your relationship here are few signs that you may be a dating pushover.

1. You let them set the pace of the relationship

It can be hard to know if things are moving at a normal speed, especially if you're new to relationships. If you feel like things are moving too quickly or like the two of you aren't on the same page and choose to ignore it because the other person is content with where you are, then you're not giving your own feelings enough consideration. A relationship is not just about one person's emotions, disregarding the ones you're unsure about to avoid making waves doesn't make you peacekeeper, it makes you a pushover.

2. Your lack of an opinion is replaced by theirs

It's okay not to have an opinion on every issue plaguing our society at the moment, but it's not okay to allow your partner to declare a stance for you. If you're having a conversation with friends and politics are being broached and your S/O prefaces their statement with "We think," -knowing darn well that you don't have anything to say about Trump's administration and they think he's the best thing since Netflix started streaming "Friends"- and you don't interject with your true feelings, then you've just let them know that their preferences are more important than yours.

3. You conform to the way they see you

People are multifaceted and complex beings. While Tinder may ask you to describe yourself by a handful of defining characteristics to better match you with a mate, you are more than just "quiet" and "indoorsy". If you find yourself with someone who reduces you to labels that complement them, chances are that the more you're around them the more you'll start to only identify yourself by those labels as well. When you conform to the 2-dimensional image that someone else has of you, you lose parts of your identity and become a social chameleon.

4. You alter your dreams to fit into theirs

It's exciting to picture your life with someone you care and are serious about. Of course, you have to make some configurations in order for things to work for the both of you, but there has to be an equal amount of compromise for it to be healthy. If you're working towards a degree that would open doors for you to meet new people and have new experiences but your S/O has dreams to get settled sooner rather than later and makes you feel like you're overreaching in your life, don't abandon your vision for something that would fit into theirs.

Being a pushover does not mean you're a weak person. I don't think anyone sets out with the intent to be a chameleon dater. Sometimes it happens gradually, two people start off in a relationship thinking that they're compatible and then one person grows more comfortable and their will and opinions turn out to be stronger than the other persons'. Other times, you just make a poor judgment call and try to make things work with someone that wasn't meant for you.

If you find yourself to be a pushover in your relationship and you're unhappy about it, you can change. Take some time to learn about yourself and figure out what you want and who you want to be. You can't choose someone who really loves you and values your mind if you don't know how you need to be loved and understood. Whether you need a to step away from the dating scene, have a conversation with your romantic partner or even take a break from them, understanding yourself will strengthen all of your relationships in the long run.

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