Your On-And-Off Relationship Can Jeopardize Your Mental Health

Your On-And-Off Relationship Can Jeopardize Your Mental Health

Holding grudges and throwing all your past mistakes and arguments in your face every time you argue in the present may become a routine.


If you consider yourself a maverick, an explorer or an individual who wants to try everything out there in the world, having a consistent pattern of breaking-up-and-making-up with your partner can excessively jeopardize your mental health. In fact, a lot more than that. Ironically, TV and movie relationships are maybe an ideal example of it. Furthermore, earlier research from the University of Missouri has evaluated that more than 60% of adults have been engaged with on-off relationships, and more than 33% of cohabiting couples revealed separating and later accommodating eventually. For various reasons, splitting and getting back together isn't generally an awful sign for a couple. However, for some couples, it can enable individuals to understand the significance of their relationship. However, a consistent pattern of such behavior is trouble.

In my opinion, this could be one of the leading reasons why more people are unhappy and feel lonely especially youngsters. In the age of speed dating and emoji SMS conversations, it seems like relationships are becoming shorter and shorter due to various reasons. In fact, it has been shown by many forms of research that it could lower your performance rate in school and/or at work. Every relationship should be based on absolute dedication toward his/her significant other instead of an obligation like either a financial reason or they believe they have put excessively time into the relationship if they decide to get back together. The three significant consequences associated with breaking-up-and-making-up are:

1. Higher rates of abuse and other behavior

Many types of psychology and behavioral science research have shown that breaking-up-and-making-up relationship pattern is associated with an accelerated increase in anxiety and depression and such disappointment can be seen in the form of higher rates of abuse. Most of us take people whom we love for granted. In this case, a let-go personality of one person can be taken for a granted by another person. Both verbal and emotional abuse contribute to one of the significant personality characteristic, "self-esteem."

2. Poor communication and lack of control over temper

A willingness to open-hearted over an unwillingness to open-minded may become a thing. An individual tends to bring up the past more often during arguments, exhibits passive-aggressive behaviors, and minimizes things in a relationship. Holding grudges and throwing all your past mistakes and arguments in your face every time you argue in the present may become a routine. However, healthy partners do commitment completely. Also, being controlled or under obligation as previously discussed can provoke anger and one might lose the control over his/her temper.

3. Lower levels of commitment and transparency in the future relationship

First of all, both men and women can suffer from relationship anxiety and commitment phobia, although traditionally it was thought fundamentally to be a male problem. Fear of not being in the "right" relationship or having been in, an undesirable relationship which can be characterized by abuse or disloyalty. In fact, such fears are common an outcome of breaking-up-and-making-up relationship and an ultimate cause of the lower levels of commitment and transparency of thoughts and feelings about each other in the future or existing relationship.

In order to preserve your well-being and to not let these toxic factors to influence your overall behavior and life, you should consider taking the following steps:

1. Analyzing and learning from what you've done in former relationships can help you to find out what prompted the breakup or reconcile? It's pretty much like a relationship inventory if you want to think like it.

2. While considering reviving a relationship that ended earlier or maintaining a strategic distance from future breakups, you should consider the reasons you guys separated to decide whether there are constant or determined issues affecting the relationship.

3. Keep in mind that it is all right to end a toxic relationship. For instance, if your relationship is hopeless, don't feel regretful about leaving for your psychological or physical prosperity.

Checking in and out of a relationship, cycling can indeed cause anxiety and mental pain so one should stay away from it no matter what. As I have discussed earlier, as a short-term relationship is becoming a thing, it's crucial to protect yourself from such a tornado. See you next week!

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To The Toxic Relationship I Was Afraid To Let Go Of

To my younger self... I'm sorry.

As time goes on the question that echoes in my mind is: "why?" Why did I let someone who was so undeserving have my love, time, and affection?

We all like to think that we have what it takes to mend the damage someone carries, but the fact of the matter is we don't. Hurt people, hurt people – and it was only when I tried to heal a bruised heart mine became the one in trouble. When you're young, vulnerable and under someone's spell you don't realize that you shouldn't have to rip yourself apart to keep someone else whole. I was scared of losing someone I didn't really have and I thought it was better to have someone halfway than not at all.

The irony of it all is that I grew up in a healthy environment. I have two parents who love my sister, each other, and myself unconditionally. They practice the same values they preach, some of which being loyalty, forgiveness, and how important it is to love each other despite the flaws that consume us. Those values were engraved so deep in my heart and soul I couldn't recognize when enough was enough or when to pull back and that just because I displayed these traits didn't mean they would be reciprocated. It took me a while to figure out I had to draw the line of determination from desperation.

It was a bittersweet realization when I looked up from my treacherous journey only to see it led me to a dead end, but I have never felt so liberated.

There's no denying I came out of the storm a different person and most definitely with a different heart. There were so many important lessons learned, both good and bad but the one thing that's for certain is it took me getting lost to find myself. You don't fully understand what you deserve until you experience something you don't. I learned the importance of self-worth and how crucial it is to not beat yourself up over the "coulda, shoulda, woulda's." I learned that in order to love someone, you have to start with yourself.

I know I'm not the only one who experienced this and I know I'm not the only one who wanted to figure it out on my own terms, but what I do know is that no one deserves it. I'm in my twenties now and still unsure of the actual meaning of love, but I know with absolute certainty that what I felt then was not it. I have so much growing, learning, and experiencing to do – and I fully intend on taking only those who deserve to be with me on my journey. No more and no less.

Everyone's story is different but the one thing they have in common is that we get to decide whom we share our stories with and how they make us feel. You never know which page your story will end with, so make sure it would be one you would be happy with. I urge every single one of you to rid yourself of people who do more harm than good. Life isn't forever.

Cover Image Credit: Thought Catalog

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12 You Should Know About Your Significant Other After You've Been Dating 12 Months Or More

You have multiple food orders memorized.


Dating someone for a year+ means that you are bound to know things you might not have known in the early months of the relationship. You also might act differently than you did at the beginning of the relationship.

Here are 12 things you know when you've been dating for over a year.

1. Clothing size, shoe size

This one you can probably be able to figure out early in the relationship. But, you start to keep in the back of your mind and think of that person when you see clothes or a pair of shoes they might like.

2. You can guess what they are going to text back

Especially if it is just a casual conversation about nothing in particular. You know their go-to responses.

3. You have multiple food orders memorized

Their food orders, of course.

4. You have that one TV show you can put on and neither of you will complain

And that is "The Office."

5. You don't get jealous

How could you have lasted in a relationship for over a year and not have any trust?

6. You know likes and dislikes

And can assume if they are going to like or dislike something.

7. You got a LONG Snapstreak

474 day streak over here.

8. Their successes make you just as happy as it makes them

Seeing your significant other do well and accomplish something great is just as rewarding as if you had done the same.

9. Your friends are his friends and his friends are your friends

And you can all hang out together.

10. You have your favorite restaurants

That we always end up going to.

11. You've met everyone in the family and extended family

And you feel like part of the family.

12. You know extremely personal things about each other

That you would not necessarily share with the public.

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