"It's never pretty when you
leave an abusive and controlling relationship. The warden always protests when
the prison gets shut down."
-Dr. Steve Maraboli
Last week, I went to see Suicide Squad with two of my friends because I heard good things about it, and I figured that it would be a fun movie to watch. It was, but the things that I saw on social media in the days after were not. I continuously saw people sharing memes and other pictures featuring the Joker and Harley Quinn, and in these media, many were claiming that the Joker and Harley Quinn are "relationship goals." Nothing in the relationship between Harley Quinn and the Joker will ever be a goal of mine, especially after going through what I have gone through and knowing what I know now.
My first year of college, I was in what I presumed as a healthy relationship; however, this was far from the truth. For a period of about six months, I was in a relationship with a man who I was convinced loved me. He would hit me and throw things at me when he was angry at me for spending "too much time" with my friends and at my school. Lots of days, I felt like I was just his punching bag, but I always found some way to blame myself for why he was always so angry. I began to feel like my life revolved around him, but I didn't care. I grasped on to the fact that someone might actually love me pretty early in our relationship, so I put up with all of the things that he did to me and found ways to cover them up. If people noticed, which few did, I made up excuses to explain the bruises and scratches all over my body. I was convinced that I couldn't tell anyone what was going on because they wouldn't understand.
As our relationship progressed, he began to be extremely overprotective. I wasn't allowed to hang out with many of my friends if he wasn't around. If my ex found out that I was hanging out with other people when he wasn't around, especially other guys, he would get really angry. He'd yell at me. He'd tell me I was worthless and that no one really cared about me. He'd punch me. He'd kick me. He'd push me. I'd fall on the floor, and he would kick me. Sometimes, he would even take advantage of me when I didn't feel like doing anything. I never wanted to be intimate on that level. When I would tell him that, he'd get really angry.
Looking back on all that happened in those six months, I never really understood it. What's more than that is that I never understood why I stayed. Eventually, someone noticed. When one of my friends approached me about the situation when she found out, I denied that it was happening because I was sure he loved me. More than anything else, I didn't believe that anyone could understand what I was going through. In fact, until today, she was the only one who knew that any of this happened. Knowing what I know now, I know that I was wrong to think that no one would understand and think that this kind of abuse is okay.
In fact, according to the National Network to End Domestic Violence, approximately seven million women in the United States are assaulted and/or raped by a current or former partner each year, and an average of three women are killed by a current or former partner every day. The problem can be much worse for younger people, too. A recent survey also found that 43 percent of dating college women and 28 percent of men reported experiencing violent and/or abusive dating behaviors in a relationship.
With all of this being said, this is why the Joker and Harley Quinn are not relationship goals. I cannot rationalize why Suicide Squad romanticizes the relationship between the two of them, as opposed to rebuking the abusive nature that their relationship has had thus far. Regardless of why their relationship is romanticized in the film, there is no reason that their relationship should be seen as relationship goals by anyone who has watched it. The Joker is emotionally abusive to Harley Quinn, and nothing about that should be desired or seen as acceptable. Take it from me, someone who's experienced it: an abusive relationship is a living nightmare that no one should have to experience in their life. Ever.
