"...that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever." Psalm 30:12
Change happens. Not only does it happen, but it happens often. We are always trying to be different or do different or make something happen. Very rarely, though, do we stay constant. This is why we find it so hard to keep a constant, steady walk with the Lord.
This past year, my entire life changed. Within six months, I had graduated from high school, started my freshman year of college, married the man of my dreams, and moved over a thousand miles away from my hometown. In SIX. MONTHS. It was a hectic time, but not because of everything that was happening. As my world started to become more and more different, I began to shift my priorities (without even noticing).
Before I knew it, I was tossing my Bible to the side and picking up my wedding planner instead. Or my college textbook. Or going to hang out with some friends. Or packing my things. All the while, my Bible is being pushed farther and farther into the dark, invisible corner of my room. As this began to happen, my relationship with God began deteriorating. And as my relationship with God grew weaker, I began to regress as well.
Old insecurities started bubbling up to the surface and soon enough, I felt more lost than I had in months. I'd try to blame it on the fact that I was "finding myself" or that I just had not found that "church group" yet, but if I'm being honest, I was just terrified.
The hardest part about being a Christian is not the religion itself. It isn't learning the Bible or trying not to commit sins. The hardest part is getting over the fears and the lies that are stopping you from having a relationship with God. The reason why I was so terrified of regaining that relationship was because a part of me felt that God would not take me back. I told myself that I had neglected God for too long, and that sometimes His mercy just runs out. That maybe He had forgiven me one too many times. But that is where I was wrong. Whether you are justifying your negligence with excuses, allowing your head to be filled with lies and self-doubt, or you just fully believe that your brokenness is too much for God to handle, you have to understand one thing.
God loves you. No matter how many times you walk away, no matter how broken or sad your story is, His mercy is so vast. He forgives and He loves you through each and every sob story. He's there for you through all of the doubt and the fears. And He's with you through even the toughest of storms - you just have to let Him in.