Since I was a little girl, I have always had this sense of urgency that I couldn't quite figure out. Whether it be do to get something done, figure something out, or have an answer, I could never wait on things, or focus on anything else until a task was completed. At first, this was brushed off as being impatient. It wasn't until I got older that I realized it wasn't about being impatient but rather that I would be driven crazy by the idea of something left incomplete or uncertain. When I was about 15, I began to understand that I was battling with something much bigger than myself. I had anxiety.
So if you notice these traits about yourself and cannot seem to comprehend why you feel the way that you do, read on because you're not alone. Many people struggle with anxiety, and the first step to helping yourself is understanding it. This is what anxiety can look like.
Overthinking
The smallest things can't seem to escape your mind. You are in a never ending state of "what if's" and trying to look on the bright side of things can seem impossible.
Constant activity in your brain
If you think you've completed everything that you've been stressing about, it's on to the next thing. The second you don't have a worry in your mind, a new one arises.
Nail biting
This seems to be one of the only stress relievers you have. It can be embarrassing, but even when you try your hardest not to do it, it happens naturally.
Waking up early no matter how late you went to sleep
Your friends don't understand it and may think you're crazy, but being awake and starting your day in the early hours of the morning is one of the ways you can best get everything you need to do done. Also, no matter how hard you try to sleep in, that internal clock wants you awake just so you know you're not missing anything.
Rushing
You want to get things done and sometimes that means not doing your best on something that you have time to complete. You don't want to give yourself more time because that means you will continue to worry and stress over getting that task completed, so you rush through it.
Seeking to fill your days with more and more
The need to achieve everything you possibly can. Full time job, full time student, full schedule of activities outside of that? no problem. An hour spent not doing anything means you are just thinking about what you could or should be doing, so you might as well fill every hour of your day.
Constant doubt in yourself
You could work your hardest and know that you did, but still feel like its not going to be enough. A "B" in a hard class may seem pretty good to anyone else, but to you that means you didn't do what you could have. You are never doing everything you should be doing.
Cancelled Plans
You really want to hangout with that cute boy that asked you out, but the thought of the unfamiliar scares the shit out of you. You debate with yourself about what it will be like; if he actually likes you, or if everything that could go wrong, will. Sending the "I'm sorry, tonight won't work for me" text is all too familiar, and you live to be in the comfort of what you know.
The need for control
You don't like to be impaired in any way because that means you won't be able to plan what will happen. If you cannot completely regulate the things that are going on around you, it makes you feel like bursting out into tears. This is usually the reason you're the sober friend when everyone goes out.
Despite the problems and sticky situations all of these traits can get you into, as I have gotten older I have decided to make the best out of my anxiety. In college, I have used my need to complete and think about things to help my studies. My need for control over my body has aided me in not getting into any dangerous situations that college life can get you into. You can live the happiest of lives with anxiety when you recognize that you have it and how to use it to your benefit. I am so much more than my anxiety, and you are too.
