Not all of us our fortunate enough to keep our loved ones around for adulthood. When it initially hits you that your mom won't be there for your high school graduation, college graduation, first big heart break, first job, wedding day, or even the birth of her grandchildren, it feels like you are never going to be able to get through all of those milestones without her. You try to think in a positive way and tell yourself at least she isn't suffering anymore. You don't have to be pulled out of school anymore to only find your entire family in the car because the hospital called and once again they are going to discontinue life-saving measures. She has pulled through every time they have called, so why is this time any different? This time is different because it's the day she didn't pull through. It isn't the first time she has let you down, and it isn't the last. Every time you wake up missing her only wanting her to be a phone call away, or when you have that bad fight with your boyfriend and you want her to go with you to egg his car, or on those family Thanksgivings when you want someone to argue over the cranberry sauce with (because you two were the only ones who would argue over canned cranberry jelly). Every single time one of these instances happen, you are let down. She was your best friend. She loved you more than beans and taters as she loved to say, and when you lost her, you lost a huge part of yourself. You eventually learn to live with the hand you've been dealt, and want those who haven't to understand that it's OK to not be OK. Here are the realities of losing your mom.
1. You are going to pretend that you are OK. We all have our reasons for hiding the pain. For me, it was about letting my grandmother mourn while I learned to grieve in silence. You don't have to pretend.
2. Life as you know it will never be the same. If your mom is terminally ill I hope you spent every chance you had laughing and making memories because those are the moments you will cherish forever.
3. It's OK to ask God why. I know as Christians, we are told God works in mysterious ways, and He wouldn't let us go through something we can't handle. During that time. you need to learn to lean on God and trust Him, but you don't have to understand why it had to be your mom. The reality of it is I lost my mom seven years ago and I still don't understand why it was my mom that had to go.
4. You will think of her every day. For the rest of your life you will want to share life's moments with her. You will think about the good and the bad, but always focus on the love you received for that short period she was around. It is the reminder of her pure and brutally honest love that will get you through life's greatest hardships.
5. Learn to love conversations about her. People will always tiptoe around conversations about their moms when you are around, but it is important you let them know it is OK to talk about her. Talking about her won't always be easy, you will cry, you will laugh and you will learn about how much she truly meant to you.
6. You are going to be extremely angry when you hear people talk about how annoying their moms are, or even worse, when they say they hate their mom. Try to calmly explain to those people that they should cherish their mom because some of us would cut off our right arm to have one more conversation with ours.
The reality is, losing a loved one is never easy. Your heart will always have a void just like the new family picture that is missing one important family member. Surround yourself with people who love you and cherish you because as you've learned life isn't always long lived. During those milestones in your life, pray for peace and always remember your biggest fan is cheering you on from above.
