As an 18-year-old girl, I have had my fair share of being cat-called and flirted with when I go out in public. However, there is a fine line between trying to flirt with a girl, and harassing her. I learned just what that difference is from experience.
I had a slightly terrifying experience at a Walmart near me. I was shopping in the women’s section when a guy came up behind me and touched my arm as he walked by, saying, “Excuse me beautiful.” I thought nothing of it until he proceeded to follow me around the store for 15 minutes in a manner that made me so uncomfortable that I needed to be escorted to my car by an employee because I felt unsafe. That isn’t flirting. That’s harassment.
Another example of this was when I was at my job at the mall. I was on break and decided to take a walk to the Dunkin Donuts down the way to grab coffee. When I walked into the store and ordered, the man at the register acted fairly normal. He told me, “No problem, beautiful” after I ordered and I thought nothing of it until he came back from behind the counter and tried to give me his number. I politely declined and he asked me again, to which I again declined, saying I was already taken. He then proceeded to say that we didn’t have to date, we could just be friends for now. For now? Are you kidding me? No means no. If I need to tell you multiple times, then it’s harassment.
Both times I was not in any kind of clothes that made me “ask for it.” When I was harassed in Walmart, I had on a sweatshirt, jeans, and moccasins. When I was at the mall, I was in my PINK uniform: black PINK gym pants and a PINK sweatshirt. Neither of these outfits was “asking for it” and I honestly hate that term. No girl ever asked to get harassed, no girl asked to get assaulted, or followed, or worse. Why the hell would anyone ask for that? Answer: they wouldn’t.
Flirting and harassment are very different. Flirting can be flattering but harassment is scary. Flirting is some guy telling you that you look pretty today, and walking away if you don’t interact with him. Harassment is when a guy follows you, touches you, cat-calls you and doesn’t leave you alone, or when a guy just doesn’t leave you alone, especially if you deny them. No means NO. No doesn’t mean keep asking, it doesn’t mean I’m “hard to get,” it means no. It means go away, it means leave me alone, it means stop following me, stop talking to me, and stop trying to give me your number because I DON’T WANT IT. The more you harass me, the more I am going to want to get away from you. So stop.
Flirting is cute. Flirting is something that makes you happy for a moment because a guy noticed your hair or your eyes, not your boobs or your butt. Flirting should make you feel pretty for a moment, not scared to walk alone. It’s not such a common mistake that a guy may accidentally harass you. Someone that harasses you, is doing it on purpose. They want something from you and they won’t stop until they get it or get arrested. In times like that, call the police and tell them you feel threatened by that person. It’s better to be safe than sorry. Because they weren’t flirting, it wasn’t because of your outfit, and you weren’t asking for it.
