Happy New Year To My Ex | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Relationships

Happy New Year To My Ex

I wish you nothing but the best.

2154
Happy New Year To My Ex
Huffington Post UK

To my dear ex-boyfriend,

There's so many things I wish I could say to you, but unfortunately you blocked me, so I can't. I want you to know that I wish you the best in 2017. I hope you achieve all your goals and have the best year possible - and maybe just a few other things...

I hope you buy yourself a brand new pair of expensive jeans and they rip right down the middle the first time you wear them.

On the same day, I hope you spill hot coffee all over your favorite shirt. And I hope your favorite hat blows off your head and you can't find it.

I hope you get called into work on all of your days off, and you have no choice but to go in.

I hope you drop and crack the screen on your phone, pay to get it fixed, and then drop and crack it again the next day.

I hope all the fish you catch this year are small and worthless, and you miss every single deer you try to shoot.

I hope they offer you a promotion at work, and then decide to give it to someone else.

I hope you bite into a slice of pizza only to find a roach hidden under the cheese.

I hope all of your packages get delivered to the wrong address.

I hope you get a speeding ticket for going one mile over the speed limit.

I hope any facial hair you try to grow is patchy and weird.

I hope you burn every piece of toast you attempt to make.

I hope you gain 30 pounds and can't lose it, no matter how hard you try.

I hope you finally get that pit bull puppy you want, and it runs away from you.

I hope they get your order wrong every time you go get food.

I hope your engine stalls in the middle of five o'clock traffic.

I hope the only people that hit on you this year are 65-year-old grandmas.

Most importantly, I hope you get a brand new, gorgeous girlfriend, and then she breaks up with you over text, blocks you on everything, never talks to you again, and ultimately breaks your heart...

Just like you did mine.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Vivien Leigh
Revelist

I've lived a whole 21 years with an RBF (Resting Bitch Face), so naturally, I go through most of these struggles on a daily basis.

And before you ask, yes I'm fine. No, I'm not mad. This is just my face, so take it or leave it! To those of you who have been #blessed with an RBF, you'll probably relate to these more than you'd like to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

Iconic Duos: Timeless Legends

From Luke and Leia to Beyonce's twins...

774570
Luke and Leia from Star Wars, a iconic duo
Lucasfilm

“Name a more iconic duo... I'll wait." OK, well, if you insist. In no particular order, here's a list of 100 iconic duos that seem to be timeless.

SEE MORE: This Is The ICONIC Disney Sidekick You Are To Your BFF, According To Your Zodiac Sign

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

College Life: As Told By Bob's Burgers

If there's anyone who understand the struggles of college, it's the Belcher family

1205
Bob's Burgers

College is a time of gaining independence, exploring new things, and copious amounts of Netflix. If you're like me, you often find yourself laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of the situations you find yourself in. Here are ten times Bob's Burgers accurately captured college life.

1. What you're pretty sure your upstairs neighbors do at 3am every morning.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Why Theater Kids Are the Greatest People Ever

Supportive and spontaneous human beings are the best.

895
Theater Kids

Throughout school, the theater department has always been my go-to place with go-to people when I need advice, a dance party, or just someone to listen to me vent.

You never know what's going to happen when you're dealing with theatre or what kind of characters you'll encounter. We have too much fun doing anything! One time in my senior year acting class, we spent an entire class period watching Bob's Burgers, and it was the greatest class period ever.

Keep Reading...Show less
Gilmore Girls
Hypable

In honor of Mother’s Day, I have been thinking of all the things my mom does for my family and me. Although I couldn’t write nearly all of them, here are a few things that moms do for us.

They find that shirt that’s right in front of you, but just you can’t seem to find.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments