With National Coming Out Day being last Monday, October 11, it's been a happy week for the LGBTQ+ community. But in this heteronormative world we live in, every day is National Coming Out Day.
For me, growing up in the closet, I would envy the members of the LGBTQ+ who came out and were accepted by their family and loved ones. To most of my family, I'm still straight and struggling to find a boyfriend. For the family members that are well aware that I am not straight, I still have to remind them that I don't need "the right boy" to make me "straight again." Coming out is a tough subject for most people but for me, my coming out wasn't a choice I had. I was young and thought I was in love. The girl I was dating at the time—let's call her Lucy—was much older than I was (almost 4 years older to be exact) and pretty much controlled every action I made. Lucy told me that if I didn't tell my family that I was in love with a woman, she would leave me. 15-year-old me was extremely stupid and didn't realize that, three weeks into my first serious relationship, it was taking a manipulative turn. Thanks to Lucy, I lost a relationship with my mother at a young age—definitely not an age to not have a mother's guidance. I lost a relationship with my four younger siblings and missed out on a lot of their achievements because I was out of the house. With Lucy, I tried convincing myself I was happy and loved. Her parents were extremely rich and threw a few thousand dollars at us every month like it was couch change (think Upper East Side rich, like Blair Waldorf and Serena Van Der Woodsen). With an exception of the roof over my head, I wasn't happy. I didn't understand at the time, but I was in an abusive relationship. Long story short, I wish that she would have punched me in the face a few times than constantly telling me I was worth nothing to her. Sadly, it took me four years to realize it. If I had a chance to do it over again, I would have realized the worth I have and not accepted the belittlement of some I "loved."
We are in 2016 and sadly, I don't feel safe telling other people that I am in love with a beautiful woman. Recently I was at the jewelers, fixing a necklace that my girlfriend got me (long story short, never order anything from Etsy). The woman helping me out asked who got me the necklace. I replied, "My girlfriend got it for me when she asked me out." It felt like the entire world stopped spinning and everyone glared at me with hatred. I heard a few mumbles and brushed it off. The woman helping me out asked me if I was happy in my relationship and, of course, I nodded. She then said, quite loudly, "Honey, it's 2016, who you sleep with is your business. Don't let anyone scare you." To be honest, I am terrified. I'm scared to tell people that I like girls. It is only my business, but sometimes people are instilled with so much hatred that they make matters into their own hands—for example, Pulse Orlando.
Coming out takes time. It is going to be scary. Just because it was National Coming Out Day, it doesn't mean you have to. When it's your time to come out, believe me, you'll know. Don't let anyone force you or scare you into coming out. No matter who you love, or who you identify as, we as a community, will always be there for each other.
To all the LGBTQ+ members who celebrated National Coming Out Day from inside the closet, that's okay too. You are not any less LGBTQ+ than the rest of us.
