As my wife and I were rushing around Minneapolis tackling the overwhelming holiday weekend to-do list, a conversation we had made me remember this: happiness looks different on everyone. Since the conversation, I've reminded myself of this a handful of times when family interactions felt stressful or things weren't organized in a way that made sense to me. Someone's happiness– someone's preference– is at the root of almost everything. The things that shape our happiness and the ways we express that happiness look different, and that's all okay! What's not okay is expecting everyone else's preferences and expressions to be the same as ours.
I'm trying to focus on this for myself so I can have an easier time navigating the world and the people around me, and have the same consideration given back to me. I am certainly not suggesting that we cater to every single preference or ask people to do that for us. I'm simply encouraging the awareness that happiness takes different forms.
There is the common misconception that we have to exude happiness in order to be good people. As in, if you aren't bursting with gratitude and excitement every second of the day, you're being negative or something must be wrong. I can be completely content and still feel tired, or blue, or grumpy for no reason. WE ARE HUMANS! That means we feel and cry and laugh and sometimes both at the same time or for no reason at all. We don't have to be ecstatic or even smiling to be happy, sometimes happiness takes a much quieter stance.
So, since most of us are in a stretch of seeing people we might not see much throughout the year, and often times those people are very different from us, I thought it might be a nice reminder. Live and let live. Show your feelings the way you know how, the way that feels right to you. I think it's okay to stop putting on different faces for different crowds. Work with me towards a more authentic life, a more authentic world. Just like our preferences differ so greatly person to person, our happiness differs. Find your bliss and let others find theirs too.
It's alright if you don't feel happy going to a million family gatherings over the holidays. I know it helps me in the midst of the bustle to remind myself that it's making someone happy. And, if all else fails, drink dad's old-fashioned under a cozy blanket by the fireplace watching Jeopardy... or whatever your "happy" might be.
