We met through mutual friends.

We shared so many laughs and memories.

My friends would tell me that you thought I was pretty and I never thought to jump onto the opportunity.

I would say that they’re crazy and it would never happen.

We started hanging out more and more and sharing more laughs, memories and secrets.

Your feelings were very clear to me, so I began to gain feelings, as well.

I was having a rough night and you asked if you could take me to get ice cream, and we did and it was so nice.

You were one of my best guy friends.

Things began to get complicated.

I started making my feelings apparent and you didn’t pay any mind anymore.

I went insane, wondering what I could be doing wrong.

We occasionally sent text messages back and forth, kind of flirting, but kind of feeling on the fence about it all at the same time.

I knew something wasn’t right, but I kept trying.

I should have stopped here, knowing things wouldn’t go much further.

Things got really complicated; for several months to be exact, but I kept trying. Trying to make things work.

Our feelings were so obvious to one another, but you would take all of those feelings back when it came to being in public.

I was a huge secret and at the time, I didn’t care. I just cared about being with you.

I tried to keep my distance, which was hard, but I didn’t want to bother you any longer.

You texted me over Spring Break and said you wanted to be serious.

I didn’t believe you, and told you to ask me again when you were sober.

You asked me again sober and we went on our first date.

You would have thought it would be awkward, but it wasn’t.

We shared intellectual conversations and many more laughs, as well.

I was on Cloud 9.

I couldn’t imagine anything going wrong from here on out.

Getting both of us to commit seemed impossible, but we eventually did.

We both knew you were leaving, which was the only thing holding us back.

You were convinced you wanted to fight for this, and I trusted you.

Everything was nearly perfect until classes ended and you moved back home for the summer.

You said that things weren’t the same and I understood, because being apart was hard.

You ended it, but the feelings behind were mutual.

It took about two weeks for you to text me again, saying you thought you made a mistake.

Us talking again didn’t last long; a week to be exact.

You ignored me for two days.

Just never texted back or returned my phone calls.

I assumed you were done.

Two weeks went by and I was doing better.

After being ignored with no warning pushed me so far.

You texted me again, apologizing.

I, of course, texted back.

We continued talking for a couple months and occasionally visited one another.

Every little nit-picky thing I did annoyed you and you weren’t afraid to voice your opinion.

I didn’t understand what you wanted from me.

I was scared to be around you again because you honestly left me in the worst way possible.

I had doubts, but I was trying.

You didn’t like the way I was carrying myself anymore, even though it was all on you and your actions.

My anxiety gradually got worse and worse.

It was like everything you did was slowing me down.

We had planned to spend one last night together and you ditched me.

The next and very last night you were in town, you got mad and you told me that you’d see me in five months.

“See you in 5 months.”

Those words shot through my body like lightning.

I had never had more clarity in my life.

We were the definition of fire and gasoline.

I’m done.

These past few months, we’ve talked occasionally, but I know to never believe your words again.

Losing my absolute best friend has made it so hard for me to trust another person.

I’ve become a partial-introvert and I hate it.

But with my anxiety being stronger than ever, there’s nothing I can do about it.

And now you’re coming back for the weekend and I’ve never been more scared in my entire life.

I don’t know how to act or if I should even acknowledge your presence.

I have never been emotionally abused and now I know how it feels and I don’t know if I will recover any time soon.

But nothing lasts forever, no matter how it feels today.

So for now, I'm trying to heal.