Polite, unassuming and perhaps confused.
This is what I see in the average, everyday Japanese person who crosses my path.
It has to start with language. There are some really unique features. For one thing, Japan has like... five alphabets. Hiragana, katakana, kanji, romaji and the numeric system. For another thing, there are different forms of Japanese. Formal, polite, informal, casual, impolite, mean, etc. Most Japanese is extremely unassuming. You don't make statements or point things out or even ask questions without some level of elegance and subtly. (Unless you're being really impolite or very clearly joking, but I didn't learn much of that.)
Because of this, everyone appears confused to me.
The other day I saw two old women who were trying to share their laundry techniques. Except they looked confused for the full twenty minutes I listened and never got to the point. I understood most of the words they were saying. Why was that?
The speaker has to constantly discern meaning instead of hearing meaning in the words. It's not just a read between the lines kind of thing. It's built in.
Dating is miserable to watch. Why don't you say that thing? I'm shy. I'm embarrassed. You can't just say that. Japanese boys are constantly telling me: "I can't tell anyone how I feel. I'm Japanese. Japanese people don't confess." The thought of asking a girl out is an embarrassment, and vice versa when you're the opposite sex. If you're gay you're never, ever going to say it. Heck, if you're straight you'll probably never say it. You just don't bring it up. Joking about sexual escapades gets you horrified looks, even from peers who are older or more "grown up" as it were.
Of all the nations in the world, Japan has the least sex by a landslide. Nonetheless, they have more sex clubs and more varieties of sexual services than I have ever seen in the United States. I saw an ad for a bar where you can literally make out with naked women for thirty minutes for a flat fee. I won't talk about the oral sex bars, but they are what they sound like. If there's no penetration, it's not prostitution. Sometimes, while in Tokyo, I think to myself: "Is this nation not doing well sexually because it's so much more convenient and safe to get your kicks at a store?"
The confusion doesn't end with sex. Politeness is key in all things. Being direct is not a well loved trait.
You never say no when you get invited somewhere. If you want to stay home or don't want to go, you say: "That's a little..." or "Tomorrow is a little..." and the meaning will be gleaned before you finish your sentence. Saying no or saying I don't want to *insert verb here* is rude. You would never talk that way to anyone, except maybe your child or little sibling after they'd been naughty once already. To do so would show contempt or irritation.
Sometimes people break these rules, and it's hilarious.
My Japanese teacher demands we speak formal Japanese like she teaches us. If I say "Sorry (gomen)," instead of "I am sorry (gomenasai)," she'll correct me. Same with "I don't get it (wakanai)" and "I don't understand this (wakarimasen)." We go formal. However, she'll casually bust out dirty jokes like it's no big deal. Everyone is unique, even though the language is built for a certain type of attitude.
There are exceptions, presumably developed just for those who want to bend the rules. There's a verb conjugation that basically means: "Oh crap I *verb-ed.*" Wasuremashita would be "I forgot" but "Wasurechatta" is "Oh crap I forgot." It can be done with most verbs, and I love it.
I'll wrap up this commentary on politeness and confusion with a story from last night. I got hit by a bike. I suffered virtually no injury because of how it went down. I was jogging on the wrong side of the sidewalk to catch the walk signal before it ended. A woman turned the corner on her bike and nailed me. Except she started to break at the same time I reached out and grabbed her handlebars. We skidded and I was never actually struck. My only pain was a slight scratch on my foot.
The most bizarrely Japanese thing happened. She continued to pedal, very slowly, and asked over and over: "Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay?"
And I said: "Excuse me, excuse me, I'm fine, I'm fine," and bowed as I walked past her. We did not discuss the fact that she hit me because I was on the wrong side. We just carried on because we both had places to be. I think it would have caused a fight in the states.
Japanese is nice, quiet, awkward and sometimes irritating, but I am learning so much.
