Let’s face it: most of us haven’t had a decent relationship in a while. If you have, that’s great. The rest of us are trying to navigate the murky waters of modern dating. I certainly haven’t found that special someone yet, but I've noticed a few things in my searches. Dating these days is kind of stupid. It's a lot stupid, actually. I have several complaints.
1. There’s No Such Thing As A Date Anymore
I've been in several relationships over the past 18 years, but not one of my partners ever used the words “date” or “dating.” We didn’t go on dates: we saw movies. We weren’t dating: we were hanging out. Consequently, I was never entirely sure I actually was dating any of my partners. Dating has gotten so relaxed that it’s nearly impossible to tell when you’re actually dating someone and when you’re hanging out unless you ask outright. But, for many of us, that’s a pretty frightening concept.
2. Tinder Is Taking Over
Who hasn't downloaded the Tinder app at one point or another? Being able to quietly judge and reject people from the safety of your own personal phone seems far less nerve-wracking than, say, going out and meeting people. Even if you don't use Tinder, you probably text more often than you actually speak to your person of romantic interest. Yes. We live in a world where people—women mostly—have every reason to be frightened or unsure of meeting strangers in the real world. Therefore, meeting strangers through a phone screen seems much more secure. But in many cases, meeting people through an app or online limits the relationship to shallow observations and impersonal texting. Meeting new people is supposed to be a little scary. It always has been. Give it a shot.
3. Everyone Is Playing Mind Games
Whether we mean to or not, some of us actively ignore texts because we’re “playing it cool.” Some of us don’t care enough to spend hours texting “okay” back and forth or stretching out the conversation when there’s nothing more to say. Some of us ask questions solely because we know we won’t like the answer. We are horrible, horrible people who mess with each other’s heads in our relationships, whether we mean to or not.
4. Not Trying Is Trendy
I don’t know where modern boys got the idea that they don’t have to put effort into a relationship, but it seems to be a theme these days. Consistently, I’ve noticed that my male partners never text first, never suggest activities, never bother to dress up or do anything beyond what they would do for their friends. I’ve been told I have high expectations, but I really don’t think one person should be doing all of the work—especially since this seems to mostly be a problem with the guys. The girls I’ve gone out with have been as active and tried as hard as I have in my relationships. Boys, get it together.
5. Nothing Is Exclusive
Gone are the days when we would sit around for hours dreaming about that one special someone. Now we have a dozen or so somewhat-special someones we’re talking to, and each is getting a little bit of our interest. Another side-effect of online dating is that, since it’s mostly text-based, it’s easier to connect with several people at the same time. Why focus on one person when you can sort-of focus on three, four or more? Flirting is fun. But, if you’re looking for a real relationship, then you should be focus on nurturing a relationship with one person instead of exploring your options because you’re afraid to commit.
6. Solid Plans Are Nonexistent
No one makes plans anymore in our commitment-phobic society. I don’t know what it is about modern technology that’s made everyone so desperately afraid of missing out on something, but it ruined the days when people made plans and stuck to them. Say you finally asked someone out: "you want to go to dinner?" “I’m not sure. I might be hanging out with my roommate.” "A movie?" “Oh, I’m supposed to see that with my sister, I think.” This is probably why the coffee date has gotten so goddamn popular these days. It can be fairly quick so no one feels like they’re likely to miss out on something else. But it’s ridiculous. It’s okay to make solid plans with specific times. You’re going to miss out on way more if you refuse to do anything because something better might happen.
Those are my six major complaints about dating today. Readers, I wish you better luck in your romantic escapades than I have had. Remember that you deserve commitment.
