Well, it happened. You were the invincible power couple and nothing could tear you two apart. You could get through anything- or so you thought. My previous article talked about embracing change and taking on life anew; however, the pain can be so raw sometimes. The feeling of heartbreak is SO overwhelming. Where do you even start? What are you supposed to do?
Here are eight not-so-simple steps to help you get over a heartbreak in a healthy and positive manner.
- Cry and wallow- I’m sure you talked to someone, a family member or friend and I’m sure they gave you some crazy, ultimate, advice that never fails. I’m sure they said something along the lines of “You’re young and it will get better!” or “You’ll look back and be happy it’s over.” Although this may be true, FORGET THEM. This is the ultimate time where you answer to no one. If you can’t truly be yourself when you become single and independent, then where can you be yourself?! You do whatever you want, cry as much as you want, scream as much as you want, let it all out! This is the most important time to be you. When you hit the floor, you have nowhere to go but up. Remember that billions of people have been through this and billions more will to- and many of them cried and did things much worse. Your feelings are valid, so just cry. Do it.
- Don’t embarrass yourself- It’s pretty simple. Anything you say or do during such a raw and emotional time is not going to be in the best judgement. It will almost certainly make sure you don’t get them back because you will look desperate and push them farther away. Mute them, stop texting and do not let them play with your emotions. Sometimes they will feel bad for ending the promise they made, but they broke it, so shut them out and focus on you now. Do not let them tell you to be friends (yet). They just cut your heart out and you do not need a friend who is going to do that. They have some growing up to do if that is how they are going to make you feel. You need to break it off because now you answer to you. This is vital if you want to respect yourself. You are officially on your own.
- Talk to someone- Okay, so now that you have had time to yourself, it’s time to reach out. Close friends and family members are the answer, but be careful. Don’t surround yourself with people who are going to encourage too much venting. It leads to more anger and another negative cycle. You should be getting over them, NOT bashing them. Being around friends and family who understand your pain, but empower you to do better and think positively are everything that you need.
- Learn your lesson- This is the most important and the hardest to get through. It was not all his or her fault, and it was not all your fault. There were lessons to be learned and they can be hard to admit. Maybe you were insensitive, too busy or dishonest. Learn from your mistakes and rejoice because you are a much deeper person now that you have learned your lesson and improved. You make mistakes and so can they. The difference between the two of you is that you are going to admit your wrong-doings, learn your lesson and mature instantly. This is my favorite step. This is where you turn your life around. Now that you know what you have done wrong, you know exactly what to do right next time! It’s GREAT!! You are already a better person because you learned your lesson!
- Get rid of momentos- It’s going to hurt because... That’s it. You are officially saying “out with the old, in with the new”. Just do it. The sooner you do, the better. It’s time to make your own mementos yourself. And speaking of…
- Busy yourself- Do things that require work, thought, passion and creativity. It's perfect because there is no use in over analyzing the relationship. Learn your lessons and end it there. Like I said at the end of step five, it is time to make your own mementos. Work hard, receive plaques, help others by volunteering, get trophies, get muscle and show people the great senator, or athlete, or writer, or artist that you are. If you did many things with your ex, make sure to do something completely new and show yourself you do not need anyone but yourself to do well in life. Take on every task 100 percent because YOU CAN! The better you become, the better match you are for someone else anyways.
- Laugh- Do whatever you can to laugh as much as possible. For me, (just like Hannah in Pretty Little Liars) one time I bought a whole bunch of cheap plates at Walmart, called my girls over, watched funny movies, had my favorite food and at the end of the night, we took the plates and SHATTERED THEM! Then, we danced to every guilty pleasure song imaginable. We danced like we knew what we were doing. It was so much fun! We were laughing at all the noise, commotion, and stupidity that was happening. Not only does it show you that you need no significant other for happiness, it fills your mind with positive thoughts and releases much needed happy endorphins.
- Embrace change- I already wrote an article about this so if you want to read that, it will really help, but I will sum it up. Change is what makes us grow. Getting over the fear of life by throwing yourself at it with all you have is the best way to cope in this situation. They are gone and you’re going to do you better than ever. You will learn a lesson every minute and that’s all that life is about- learning lessons and growing up. So take this change and make the most of it!
On a relevant but side note:
DO NOT listen to sad music. Yes, it is understood that the music may express what you are feeling, but you are already feeling sad. Wallowing in that music will only keep you down.
DO NOT listen to music that bashes an ex either. You are getting over them, not hating on them. They taught you lessons that make you the amazing person you are. Bashing them would be bashing yourself and it's negative. That is not okay. Positive vibes are the only real thing that will bring you joy.
DO listen to empowering music or music that makes you happy. Mine include “Don’t Worry Be Happy,” “I’m Coming Out,” “Flawless” (YAS B, YAS) “Miss Movin' On,” “Who Says” and “Fight Song.” These songs do not bash anyone negatively, but empower you. They remind you of your worth- because you ARE worth something. In a time such as this, you may just need a little reminding.
There is no medicine for heartbreak and no one is going to know what you specifically went through, but that’s what makes it so great. The unique lessons you learned make you a perfect puzzle piece for someone else. Every time your heart is cut, torn, and bruised, your heart is being molded just like billions of others. Someone else’s heart has been beat up too and theirs may just fit yours perfectly now. Focus on yourself and don’t waste your time on a rebound. Rebounds do not work. You can only start dating again once you have fully completed the eight steps. I know you should never say this to someone with a very raw, broken heart but, time heals everything. It’s cliche I know, but that’s what makes cliches beautiful- the fact so many people can relate to that feeling and thought.
Although a billion people have been through this before, and a billion more after you, show the world how you are one in a trillion. It is okay to be upset in the beginning but show the world what you are made of. Show the world your work ethic, beaming smile, and positive vibes because, eventually, if you work on yourself hard enough and have some patience, a special someone will begin to notice… So here’s to your new life and moving on! Here’s to the hearts being chiseled, broken, and outlined into the perfect matching puzzle pieces, and here’s to becoming the best version of YOURSELF! I’ll be right next to you, holding you, encouraging you, cheering you on and I won’t be the only one watching! (insert future bae here)
