For women there is one doctor we just HATE to go see. We'd even rather go to the dentist over going to this doctor, so you know it must suck. Yeah, you guessed it...it's the gynecologist. There are several weird things that happen when you go to the gyno and some mildly painful things too. I just had my yearly visit and decided to see if anyone could relate to my experiences. Read on and see if these 10 reasons about why going to the gynecologist are true or not...
1. The waiting room.
You walk in and you feel guilty. I don't know why...like I haven't done anything but I just feel an awkward emotion rise up. Another thing is seeing the pregnant women and how they make faces or do weird things. Like man, what's going ON in there? Actually, never mind. Don't tell me, I don't want to know.
Then there is the looks at you, the silent questions...is she pregnant? She's so young. For some reason people forget that you have a yearly visit...or maybe I'm the only one who actually goes. But their stares make me start to wonder...am I pregnant?
2. The weighing and nurse station.
The nurses to me always feel like they are trying to be detectives and they ask really uncomfortable questions with tons of people around.
"DO YOU NEED ANY STD TESTING!?" She always seems like she is yelling. Like dude, shut UP.
"No, I don't need any STD testing, thank you very much."
"ARE YOU HAVING UNPROTECTED SEX? IF NOT, WHAT PROTECTION DO YOU USE!?"
I don't know if it's just me and being shy with my sexuality but damn, miss. PIPE DOWN!
3. Going to your room.
The walk of shame after that hot mess of a conversation. I also hate when you walk in and they are like...get naked, put the robe on with the opening to the front. Like shit lady, can we have a little small talk first before you try to get my clothes off? Maybe ask me out to dinner, idk.
4. Sitting ass naked waiting for your doctor.
Then you get yourself all naked (I always keep my socks on and that makes me feel rebellious...it's the little things, am I right?) and you sit there, freezing your little (in my case) or not so little boobies off. And every time you move, you make harsh crinkling noises and try to position the robe as modestly as possible, even though you know they just gonna ignore your flimsy robe and start grabbing at ya.
5. When she/he comes in and you have to explain your sexual history starting form last year.
The doctor is finally in and they ask you about your partner. Are you still with your last partner? How many partners have you had in the past year? Anything weird going in down there? If you answer any of these things that doesn't suit them, beware, because you about to get poked and prodded.
6. The boob exam.
The boob exam is one of my least favorite things. I have very sensitive nipples and HATE for them to be touched. Boobs are a hands-free zone, until the gynecologist needs to get all up in there (for good reasons but it still sucks). My doctor and I are actually pretty chill so we talk while she works, but the last appointment she said two really awkward things are poor times. The first was during my boob exam, when she was all up in there she goes, "You'll be fine to breastfeed. You'll be able to." Um...what? I didn't say anything about babies or breastfeeding so I was kinda shocked. I was like, "good to know. Thanks." Like WHAT do you say to that?
7. The dreaded pap smear.
Ugh. These are horrible. Absolute worst thing to ever happen. Luckily, I got to skip mine this year because I was fine last year, but oh my god...I mentioned about a yeast infection and shit went downhill fast. She was like, "Let's take a look." So I saddle up and put my feet in the stir-ups resigning myself to the fact that I'm about to be violated.
After a whole bunch of...prodding, let's call it, she does something inside me and I say, "ow." She goes, and I kid you not, "Oh, that's what it feels like for a man when his testicles are grabbed." Like oh my god. Why? Thank you because this wasn't awkward enough already.
8. Explaining an um...issue you have down there.
Whether it be a yeast infection (that happens to ALL women, don't feel ashamed) or an odd lump (ingrown hair) or something else causing you concern, it's always awkward because of how many stigma's there are around, well...your vagina.
9. Getting dressed after the exam.
Then after being all felt up, they tell you to get dressed. It's terrible to sit up to clean yourself off and do a sort of walk of shame. It's awkward but the doctor is only there to help you and make sure you are okay.
10. Knowing you have to do it again next year.
And after all of that, heading to the front desk to schedule another one is the worst kind of pain. You know you'll have to go through being poked, prodded, investigated, and questioned all over again.