I get it. You're a guy with raging hormones.
You're surrounded by a culture that constantly throws sex into your face. Relationships in almost all TV shows and movies are highly sexual, so it's only natural to feel that every relationship requires a sexual element.
And to some degree you are correct.
A relationship with no spark, no sexual chemistry, is a relationship doomed to failure. Serious romantic relationships differ from friendships because of both the level of commitment and the sexual chemistry between someone and his or her partner—no one who is not asexual would seriously date someone that he or she could never imagine kissing, in the same way that no one would seriously date someone whose personality he or she despised but with whom he or she shared sexual chemistry.
But guess what? Your girlfriend doesn't owe you sex.
Sexual chemistry is different from actual sex, and having a sexual spark with someone doesn't automatically entitle you to sex with that person. Think about it—as men, you meet lots of women you consider attractive, but not all of them want to have sex with you. And it's your job to respect that decision; to do otherwise is to commit the hideous crime of sexual assault, which is (I hope) universally accepted as evil.
It's easy to see that you can't go around raping hot strangers who reject you. So why, then, does it differ with your girlfriend?
I get it, I get it. With your girlfriend, it's a little different. You're in a committed relationship. You have sexual needs, and if your girlfriend doesn't fulfill them—well, someone else will. She owes this to you as part of a healthy relationship. As for rape—well, that's a strong word. Sure, she may have expressed that she doesn't want sex, or that she's not comfortable moving that fast, but in the end, sex is a part of any healthy relationship, right? So it's not really sexual assault. Right?
Wrong.
Serious relationships are built on two things: trust and respect. If your girlfriend has let on to you that she doesn't want to have sex, and you decide to ask for it or pressure her into it, then you have just violated both core principles. She trusted that you would respect and accept her decision, and you threw that trust back into her face. You showed her that you have no respect for her as a thinking, feeling individual, but only for her as a sexual object.
In our media, sex is depicted as an important part of every serious relationship. And it's true—romantic relationships should and do have a sexual element. But having sex with someone is different from having sexual chemistry, and if you are pursuing a serious relationship with her, it's not just so that you can have sex with her. You are pursuing a serious relationship because she is someone that you respect as an individual, and she is someone you could envision yourself spending the rest of your life with. So, then, if your girlfriend is not comfortable with sexual contact, it's your job to respect that.
And maybe you are someone who views sex as essential in any romantic relationship. If that's the case, then guess what? The girl you're currently dating, who isn't comfortable with sex, is not the girl for you. Maybe it seems shallow to break up with her just because she won't have sex with you, but if you can't respect her decision, then she deserves to find someone who can and will—because it's a little worse than "shallow" to pressure a girl who isn't comfortable into engaging in sexual activity with you.
All in all, guys—your girlfriend does not, in any way, shape or form, "owe" you sex just because she is dating you. And if you feel like that isn't the case, it's time for you to look up the phrase "sexual assault" on Google because you're a few short steps away from committing it.
