Hello, my name is Megan, and I firmly believe that every single guy on any dating app is a clone. I'm almost positive every girl reading this already knows what I mean when I say they are all exact carbon copies of each other with minimal variation in looks. After a long drawn out process of thinking, I have compiled a list of reasons why every guy is the same and I'm sure you're going to roll your eyes in agreement if you've ever set a finger on a dating app.
1. "The Office"
Someone explain to me why every single man between 18 and 25 derives their personality almost entirely from episodes of the office? I don’t understand what the appeal of that show is in the first place, and I certainly don’t understand why you would choose to portray yourself as it when attempting to impress a woman.
2. The fish
It's not funny and it's not cute and it is certainly not unique. I cannot stress enough how fast I swipe left when I see a fish. STOP WITH THE FISH!
3. That one saying...
“I’m not here for a long time, I’m here for a good time.” Well, Chad, did it ever occur to you that maybe you could be here for both a good time and a long time? No need to murder your liver just to say you had a good night.
4. Nightclub or Netflix
If the question asks “nightclub or Netflix?" The correct response is to pick one or the other, not say “nightclub then Netflix ;)" OK? Let's just make that clear.
5. The group photos
If I have to take more than 1/2 of a second to determine which frat boy you are in your photos, it’s not worth it. Every guy has at least one picture standing with six other guys that look exactly like him, don’t ask me why.
6. The music
There are other musicians out there besides XXXtentacion and Lil' Peep. Maybe open your horizons, expand your music tastes, please.
7. The baby pictures
All guys have that one picture of them and a baby and a part of their bio that says “that’s my nephew not my kid”. If you thought hard enough about putting that sentence in your bio to clarify, maybe it would make more sense to just pick a different picture. But hey, that’s just too logical.
8. “By the way...”
Guys, height is important. However, it is not the deciding factor. You don't have to add "I'm 6'3" by the way" or "taller than you in heels by the way" in your bios. Try putting something worth mentioning in their instead, like your hobbies or your dog's name.
Do you know how long it took me to figure out that AMOS stood for “add me on Snap"? Way too long. Every guy has his Snapchat in his bio, that to me seems like a sure way of skipping all the good stuff and just getting a follow or two. He's not interested in you... he wants the clout.
I know for a fact that you do not go to the gym as often as your profile says you do, so all you're doing by adding “I'm a gym rat, I'm buff as heck" is setting me up to be disappointed in you... sorry.
11. The cars
I can’t remember the last time I met a girl who was impressed when a guy is more in love with cars than with her... oh wait, that’s because those girls do not exist! If your whole personality is cars, go swipe right on that Ferrari you posed with instead.
12. The pilots
I have never met a pilot in real life. Tell me how every guy is a pilot? How is that possible? Someone has to be lying here and it isn’t me.
Weed is not legal in 90% of the places these clone men come from... so how exactly are we going to “smoke a blunt and vibe together”?
14. The girls
Posing with a bunch of girls just makes you look like I don't need to compete for your love. Boys, just stop.
15. The pathetic conversations
If you're going to spend time trying to find a girl on an app where the first impression is a conversation, maybe learn how to have a conversation. Just saying. Stop insulting women, stop sharing your unneeded opinions about our bodies, and stop making unnecessary comments about our profiles.
So women out there, I know you feel me on this one. Fellas, maybe try to be a tad bit more unique in your dating profiles.