“So, are you guys hooking up?” “He has a girlfriend, do you know that?” “Do you like him?” “How funny would it be if you guys ended up together?”
These are four among many other common questions women with many guy friends (like me) are asked on almost a daily basis. It has gotten to the point at which I sometimes wish I walked around with a list of FAQ’s and their answers every time I go to a public space with one of those … guy friends of mine.
Growing up, I did not fit in with the girls in my school. To be quite frank, no girls really wanted to associate themselves with me in the first place. I was tubby, with small, oval glasses (which did not at all look good with my chubby cheeks (which never left)) and long, fluffy hair that was pulled into whatever intricate, hair-follicle-pulling hairstyle my mother would choose that day. My method of dress was always conservative and tomboyish, and I despised the color pink. Anything that was girly was deemed my arch nemesis from day one, and my New Balances meant the world to me. A design like mine did not allow for me to find much common ground with the other girls in my year. For the longest time, I always believed I would never have friends until the one day I sat at the boys’ table before recess.
I remember my first interactions with boys in grade school very vividly. When I talked to guys, I found it much easier to express my thoughts to them and when they would talk to me, I felt like I was no longer being judged because of the way I looked or the things I said. It turns out, the boys in my year and I had many overlapping interests, like eating pizza and playing video games (so much that every Friday after school, my three best friends would come over to do both). This was the first time I felt like I actually had friends.
In my middle through high school years, my guy friends made me into a pretentious music snob. I did not at all mind, as it helped me in my own way become a pretty well versed music fan, pointing out Radiohead’s influence on some sounds here and picking up on some wordplay thats deeper than you thought it was on the first listen there. I also owe a ‘thank you’ to my general music class for such skill, a class in which I was the only girl, as most took chorus. The mechanics of music are something I still enjoy analyzing today.
People often times say that the people with whom you associate yourself influence your behavior, so when I got to college, I became a little worried about finding a new group of guy friends, as mine in the past helped me shape who I am. After joining a sorority (the first time I had girl friends), I felt like it would be harder for me to make guy friends, as I was under the impression the only times guys would talk to me afterwards would be if they wanted to hook up or something, as that’s how guys are usually portrayed to think (thanks for nothing, media). In my time in college, I have met some amazing guys, who at the end of the day just really want friends — some of whom have become best friends I have.
People might think, what is the point of being friends with the opposite gender? Do you not have conflicting interests? Among some of the things we do together are:
Straighten my hair, match outfits, consult each other for outfit advice, DJ parties, take each other to formals (which in all honesty is so much more fun than having a real date), drive everywhere (and get lost), go to museums, exchange music, go shopping, and have deep conversations about the opposite gender— all activities girls might assume only other girls would want to do. Believe it or not, the first people to walk over with the Ben and Jerry’s after I have a bad day are my guy friends.
Yes, believe it or not, guys are very insightful when it comes to talking about their own kind. And believe it or not, they also talk about girls and are real, vulnerable people, ideas that are shadowed by preconceived notions of men supplied by the media.
So the next time you see a girl with a bunch of guys, don’t get the wrong idea. She is probably legitimately just friends with them. After all, we are not all that different.
