October 5th, 2016

A lot of people think I'm bold, and confident in who I am. The truth is I far from it, I'm actually the exact opposite. The whole boldness thing is nothing more than a front I put up. Maybe I was bold some period of time in my life.

Somewhere along the lines, I lost myself. I got caught up in people's views of me and pleasing others that I forgot who I was in the process. I completely forgot how little value the opinion of man is. I can sit here and tell myself that man's opinion on me doesn't matter, but the truth is I'll never truly convince myself.

So why has man's opinion on me become such a huge factor in my life? In all honestly, I don't really care for the praise or the glory because word won't do much for me. Word only have the power to effect me if I allow them too. I've allowed myself to let others convince me that their better and above me because they're personality is more of a catch. It's honestly so stupid, no personality can be better than another. Why does different have to mean bad?

Maybe I allowed people opinions on me rule my life because if people liked me, they'd want to be around me. When people like someone they want to be around them. I guess I got so lonely that I thought being a loveable person was the only way. I envied all the people that had numerous people around in their life, it seems as if they never have a second to shed tears. It seems as if every second with them is filled with joy. I let opinions of others and societies standards dictate the way I carry myself. Careful of ever step I took. Feeling like a prisoner in my own body.

I just want to be a girl pleasing to God. I just want to be a girl that at the end of the night I'm content with. I try to hold to the hope that maybe I'm oddly different because maybe my difference is what makes me a perfect candidate for something great. No great people were normal. My friend once said that some people in life will be that frequently ordered Satrbucks drink, and others will be an aquired taste. Maybe I'm just an aquired taste. Maybe my experiences can help and encourage someone else. May If I overcome by being bold it could help someone find the boldness in themselves.

I need to learn to trust the plan of the God of the universe. It's so hard some days because some things don't make sense in the current moment. I have to remind myself that God said in Jeremiah 29:11:

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. "

.Some days it's may hard to understand my circumstances, but that's where faith comes in. Faith that God is who he says he is. Faith that God has done it, and will do it again.

I don't want to live to please others. I want to live in a way that will shine Christ light on the world. I don't want to dislike who I am. I want to to keep in mind that I'm the God of the universe masterpiece. That when he made me he thought to himself that, "Maybe the world can use a Sarah Richter."

I still have such a long way in No matter what they'll say and think of me, I want to be boldly and beautifully me.