When you walk into Grandma or aunt Nancy’s house and smell the delicious food baking in the kitchen, you are secretly dreading some of the questions you will be asked during the next few hours. Your mind scrambles for answers that will satisfy their fragile minds and loving hearts, but in reality you’re lying...
How are your classes?
“They’re actually going really good. I love my professors and the classes are interesting.”
This will probably be the first question asked as soon as you sit down to eat dinner. Answering this will be easy because it is a basic question and even they know that. After you answer with the provided statement above they will lose interest, you could even throw out a complicated course name so they don’t ask questions. “My Introduction to Natural Hazards and Disasters class is very interesting, so staying focused is easy.” Lie. All lies. It is uninteresting and staying focused in that class could be used in torture chambers.
Do you have a significant other?
Giggle a bit. Read the room. Do you answer honestly?
“No, I’m ridin’ solo. Really focusing on my grades and friendships.”
Answering this is always excruciatingly painful, and a reminder that you are so lame no one wants to claim you. The conversation after the question can go several ways. It could turn into a life lesson talk from Grandpa, a photo slideshow for Mom and Grandma, or a story filled with side comments from your sister. It is best to avoid this question as much as possible, if you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a dating question…*throws wrench at reader*
If you’re dating someone, don’t be afraid to answer honestly. Or, if you’re like me, and not dating someone, but wish you were, you can make up someone and pretend they are your significant other. Go to Facebook and find someone hot and BAM, you now have a significant other. Here’s what you say…
“Yeah, I’m seeing this guy/girl, named [insert name]. He/She is from [insert place of origin] and they are really great. We are still getting to know one another but they are cool.”
What are you doing after you graduate?
Try to resist rolling your eyes. Or crying.
This question haunts the lives of humans between the ages of 16 to 24. If you’re younger than 16, it is assumed you don’t know what is going on in your life. If you are older than 24 and don’t know the answer to this question, then you’re a lost cause. But, 16-24 is prime time for this question to be asked at any available opportunity. If only the question askers knew all the tears you have shed, all the gallons of ice cream you have eaten, all the Netflix shows you’ve binged watched, all to avoid answering the question they just threw out willy-nilly. To think this is an appropriate question to ask at a formal dinner occasion is just insensitive. I’m trying to survive each week without exploding, or even more importantly, deciding whether or not to dedicate my life to Homelessism. However, answer it with something substantial…
“I’m hopefully going to work in the [insert major or desired employment location] field. I really enjoy [insert believable desire] and I’d love to surround myself with that daily.”
Tell us a story…?
Crap. Your life is uninteresting and an embarrassment to the family. Jump out the window, pretend to choke, say you saved a cat, ask if they smell something burning…ANYTHING. Just do not tell a lame story, they don’t need to know your life consists of nothing exciting.
What do you do in your free time?
Yay! Tell them about all your involvement on campus, or the activist group you work with, or the cool coffee shops near your house, or the friends you hang out with!
Or, you could be honest and tell them all about season 3 of [insert favorite Netflix show]. We all know our free time goes towards lying on a couch and watching episode after episode. Netflix tries to give us a way out, but 15 seconds is not long enough to decide if you want to continue on this journey. I wait until the last second to decide to hit escape because maybe, just maybe, I can make room in my schedule for one more episode of "Once Upon A Time."
I hope this kick starts your brainstorming of answers. You only have three weeks before you are in a face-to-face battle with these questions. Good luck, and may the odds be ever in your favor.
