Many people ask me if it was strange growing up without a father. They wonder, who taught me how to ride a bike? Who taught me how to play catch? Who changed the tire on my first flat? Who held me when I first cried over a boy and who was the one that scared off all the others?
The truth is, I never had one person to do all of those things for me. Since I was raised without a dad, I had many people that have circulated throughout my life as father figures that made me the person I am today. Whether these people realize it or not, they made a huge impact on decisions that I made in key points in my life, like where to go to college, what to study, what types of people I should surround myself with to be successful and even, how I want to raise my own family one day.
Even though I've never celebrated Father's Day, I think back on these amazing people, on how they've helped shape who I am and how grateful I am to have known them. These are six pieces of advice that I've received from the father-like role models in my life.
Always protect those you love over anything else.
A family friend that I grew up playing volleyball and going to school with has been involved in my life since I was five or six years old. Her father has stepped in and treated me like his own kid over the years. I learned from him over a long road trip to Colorado, that sometimes you will have to make tough decisions over who you will let from your past be around your children as they grow up. Sometimes, you may have to protect them from others you don't completely trust because you love them more than anything.
Don't be afraid to provoke change if change is needed.
I had a teacher in high school that I only had one class with because I heard awful rumors that he was one of the toughest teachers at my school. But this teacher inspired me to study politics and political science at a higher level in college because he showed me that as the next generation, we are meant to create change. He showed me how government is always evolving and changing and that it is our job to stay informed on important issues and to never give up on the issues that matter the most to us.
You are not defined by one single moment, by your past or by what has happened to you. You can feel sorry for yourself and let it define you, or you can make the most of it and learn from it.
You don't need to be the strongest, the fastest or the most talented, you just have to love what you do and work the hardest.
Both of these two pieces of advice came from my physical trainer and coach throughout my high school and college years that has seen me grow as an athlete, a student and a person throughout the nine years that I have known him and have trained with him. I have learned from his own personal experiences in sports with him almost making it into the NFL after only walking on to a Division 1 football program. He has taught me perseverance and what it means to never give up on your dreams.
It's never to late to accept the person you are.
My uncle, who has been a prominent male role model in my life, taught me this when I was a young girl trying to figure out my identity. He came out to his family about his lifestyle when he was in his 30s, and it showed me that accepting who you are as a human being is essential to being happy and for you to be honest with yourself and others.
There's no such thing as showing too much love for someone. Living your life cold and bitter is always an option, but living a life of love and constantly showing it to others will bring you happiness and improve your own relationships.
My parents, although they are women, have also portrayed father-like qualities throughout their years of parenting. One of my moms knows how to fix anything in the house, waved away any boy that wandered my way and scolds me for whatever I wear that she considers is too revealing. My other mom taught me how to play catch, showed me how to play several card games and took me to all of my practices and games. However, no matter how motherly or fatherly they acted with my brother and I, they always made sure we knew how loved we were. Growing up, there was no such thing as too many hugs or too many "I love you"s. They taught me the importance of constantly showing people how you feel because you never know when it will be the last time you see them.
