When I look in the mirror, it feels like I am living a paradox for I don't see what everyone else sees as me. When people look at me they see a 20-year-old girl with a face that's more slim than it is round or as a woman who has large breasts and a "fatty." They see me as an aspiring nurse in her senior year of nursing school. They see a confident woman who has a bartending job, a car and her own money. Yes, all of these things are true (to them), but when I look at me, I see everything but myself as an adult. I see a little girl who is still afraid to get older. She is afraid of the obstacles and responsibilities that life throws at her. I see the shell of a 20-year-old woman that's hiding a little girl who is hiding all of her fears and doubts, forever feeling like she can't make it on her own. I see a girl who is pretending to have her life together and does the best she can to make it look like she is handling the adjustment.

All of this leads me to ask a very important question: is anyone ever prepared to grow up or all we all scared kids living the lives of what our age says about what we should and shouldn't be? Does anyone ever feel like they can achieve what "growing up" actually entails or do they just wing it to fit in per say?

I've thought about this long and hard. I've also asked around. Let's face it, no one is ever ready or prepared to get off their mom's boob and start living life solo like a responsible adult. Beyond that, everyone is clueless. They just get better at making it seem like their adulting is as easy and is as achievable as it looks.

I am experiencing this personally, because I thought when I hit twenty, like everyone else, I would know everything about being a grown up. I would get the job and grades, figure out my love life, I would be fit financially, the stress levels would drop, doing laundry would be fun, and Wal-Mart would be my new go to. I was far from right, trust me. I act like my life's together when in my mind and soul I know I have no damn clue where to even start half of the time.

The reality of it is we are all just kids growing up way too fast. I don't care if you are twenty, thirty or sixty. When life throws you the "time to grow up card," you literally defecate a brick from your asshole. It's scary because it's changed and it's a time when you rely on you more than anyone. While you're in the middle of going through all of this, you are taking your own advice and mixing it with everyone else's way of life. This includes things like: to take the job or not, get the apartment or house, go organic or eat fatty, spend money on a new car or run a beater, be married or wait four more years because that's what cousin Jenny did and it worked for her.

I know we all wish we could go back to being five again. The place where the only thing we cried about was crayons, missing a cartoon or mom making us eat our food. We had no cares in the world other than the monster under the bed and maybe the dentist.

However, we are where we are now. I advise you to remove the negative stigma from growing up and take it as something positive. Make it yours. This is your chance to grow yourself into something you can be proud of. Things will change more than ever and so will you. Eventually, you will fall in love with your chaotic mess of trying to adult. Have faith in yourself. In this whirlpool of winging it, please remember, we are all going through the same struggle, some are just better at hiding it. You are not alone and ultimately we are just all trying to get by. You can and will be the best damn adult ever.