In the process of growing up, a person might dwell on traits about herself that she wishes she could change. Her hair does not sit just right, her acne acts up too much, her weight is all she can see in the mirror, or her voice sounds too scratchy to her own ears. While she may not like to admit to feeling low, she cannot lift her confidence any higher than at the bar it is already set. I know I felt that way. I would make comparisons between myself and other girls and feel I did not match up, causing me to feel reserved and, honestly, putting me in a self destructive mindset. While I continue to grow up, I find myself becoming more accepting of who I am and while I might like to think my physical appearance has improved, I do not think it has change much. Rather, I find myself influenced by an influx in positivity and becoming more mature mentally.
In high school, I remember having a Tumblr and would dedicate it to reblogging bright photographs of Starbucks cup, puppies, kittens, snacks, or someone holding out a slip of paper with a few sweet words in the same handwriting apparently every girl on Tumblr has. When I did not see objects, though, I would see girls I knew I would never look like. All with long, shiny hair, full lashes, perfectly white smiles, and small, skinny bodies. Seeing these girls, I would compare them to myself and I always felt inferior.
Eventually, I chose to make a change in my life, thinking fitness would be the way to build my courage and, to keep inspiration, I created a new Tumblr account, this time only following fit blogs. While I would see pictures of workouts or fitness clothes, there was more behind it than I thought. After posts about the right workouts to get perfect abs, there would be a one of a larger woman, smiling, with words praising who she was. Then there would be posts about what "real women look like" and each body would be different and I would think, if they are proud of the bodies they have, I should as well.
From there, I would notice more things that were "calling out the bullshit," to put it bluntly. How women, or rather people in general, cannot fit the cookie cutter mold set out for them, not even models. Attention was drawn to Photoshopping, how even models do not look as perfect as they are advertised to be. Some chains chose to not retouch their models or would bring focus to the average and plus sized woman's body, like American Eagle's Aerie, Dove, or Lane Bryant. Songs like "Anaconda" by Nicki Minaj, or "All About that Bass" by Meghan Trainor praise girls who are not so thin. These are signs that even with flaws, anyone can be beautiful.
I have to ask myself, were these ideas only recently becoming popular, or was it because I was not looking for them? Whether they have been tucked in a dark corner or not, they are helping me see the light. People do not have to follow one standard style in order to be happy. While judgement may rear its head, someone's self esteem should not have to plummet, but instead she or he should focus on a trait he or she is proud of and stay focused on that. Grin and bear it, because not fitting the mold does not diminish self worth; because a flaw in one's eye is stunning in another's. People are meant to be different.
I am only just getting out of adolescence and, sadly, insecurities are trying to keep their roots. However, I will continue to go at them with my trowel until self-doubt is weeded away and a self-confident garden can thrive.
