A lot of times, people ask me for relationship advice, and I think to myself “You are asking me? What do I know about being in a relationship?” But then I remember “Oh yeah! I have been dating a good man for about two and a half years!” I guess that makes me a credible source. So here you go. Here are five key things (not in any particular order) that I (who am not perfect) have learned from dating a man (who is not perfect either), but who loves me and leads me well.

1. It's OK to be different.

For some reason, I thought that my boyfriend and I had to agree on everything, like the same things, think about things the same way and handle situations the same way. Needless to say, this put a lot of tension on our relationship because I was constantly trying (without realizing it) to get him to do everything the same way as I would. I don’t know why it took me so long to get it through my thick skull that those differences are not only OK, but that they can be good. Because my boyfriend does and thinks about things differently, it helps me to grow and to be a better more well-rounded person. And vice versa.

If I dated someone who was just like me, yeah, we might not ever argue, but I would stay stagnant and not be able to learn and grow. I should say on this topic that the things that my boyfriend and I differ in are not of the huge, core-value type, such as faith and morals. If those things did differ for us, it does not mean that we could not have a healthy relationship, but it would be a lot more difficult, and I would have to think and pray longer and harder about if this was a healthy relationship for us both. All that to say, I learned to be grateful for those ways that he and I don’t totally see eye to eye.

2. Pray. Process. Then Talk.

I am a verbal processor. If something is bothering me, I usually won’t know what it is unless I get a chance to talk it out with someone. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is an internal processor. If something is on his mind, he needs time to think about it himself before he can totally understand how he is feeling. This took us a long time to figure out about each other and once we did, we were able to communicate much better and avoid unnecessary arguments. Something that has been super beneficial for us is before bringing up a way we have been hurt by the other, or something bigger we need to discuss, we both will:

Pray – tell God about what’s going on and ask for His guidance.

Process - in the way that works best for us, I usually talk to a trusted friend or journal my thoughts out.

Talk – once we have had a chance to invite God into the situation and then process on our own, we are more fully prepared to have that tougher conversation.

Following these basic guidelines have really helped us to love and understand the other better.

3. Listen well and show that you understand.

This next lesson I learned is probably one of my favorites, because when we figured it out, it was a total light bulb moment! Something that he and I do when we see a situation differently is to take turns telling the other what we are thinking or feeling — while the other listens without interrupting — and then the listener repeats back to the talker what they heard the talker say. The talker then gets a chance to clarify what they just said if the listener was unable understand where they were coming from.

Once the listener can show the talker that she gets what the other is saying then we switch; the listener becomes the talker and the talker becomes the listener. Practicing this little method of communication within our relationship has helped us understand each other better and show the other that even though we may not agree, we are hearing and taking to heart what the other is thinking and feeling. This helps us both to feel loved and respected.

4. Get those priorities lined up.

This was one of the very first lessons that we learned as a newly dating couple. It was super tempting for us just to get totally caught up in each other and let school, friends, prayer, faith and family fall to the wayside. So, something that we both did was to make a list of our priorities, and then check every day if we were sticking to that list. This was especially helpful in the beginning of our relationship because it kept us grounded and focused on what was most important, in the end making us healthier and happier individuals first, and then as a couple.

5. Own it.

This one was really important for me to remember and still is, because I care too much about what other people think of me and my decisions. I realized that I was causing myself and our relationship a lot of stress because I was focusing my attention and the value of our relationship on what other people thought of it without really looking at and evaluating my own thoughts and opinions. It is important to seek wise council and listen to the advice of those you trust, but you can’t base your own relationship on what other people think.

There comes a point when you just have to own it and trust that if you both are seeking wise council and God and His will for your lives, that He will lead and guide you and that its all gonna be okay.

So there you have it, take it or leave it — five things that I have learned from dating a good man. I hope that the lessons that we have learned help you and the one you love.