In today's climate, it seems like almost everyone disagrees on almost everything. There is one thing that most people can agree on though, and that is the well-known fact that relationships are complicated as hell! Last week, my boyfriend and I celebrated our third anniversary. This led me to do some retrospective thinking about the things that I've learned from being in my current relationship. While every relationship is unique, and there is definitely still more for me to learn, I thought I would share some of my experiences with you and the lessons they have taught me about love, patience, and more.
So without further ado, here are my top five lessons I've learned from being in a long term relationship!
1. Communication is key.
This is one of the most important lessons I have learned and one that will stick with me for a long time. Some people think that being in a relationship means that their partner should know them well enough to be able to understand how they feel without them having to explain it or express their thoughts, but I'm here to tell you that's just not true. No matter how many years you spend with someone, they are never going to be able to read your mind and know exactly what is bothering you. Do them and yourself a favor and communicate openly! It will save a lot of misunderstandings and frustrations from ever happening in your relationship if you can just say what you mean and communicate with your partner.
2. Don’t be afraid of spending time apart.
Being in a relationship is exciting, and if the relationship is healthy you may find yourself wanting to spend every waking minute with your partner. Don't get me wrong, I cherish the time I get to spend with my boyfriend, but it's important that you reserve time for yourself that you can spend away from your partner too. Spending too much time with one person could be a recipe for disaster and can lead to tensions boiling over in a relationship. By spending time apart you can focus on other relationships in your life including friendships, family, and your relationship with yourself. Try not to stifle each other and remember that time apart is just as healthy for the relationship as time spent together.
3. Trust is essential.
Any strong relationship is built on a foundation of trust between individuals. If you don't trust your partner fully, chances are the relationship isn't healthy and probably won't last. Basically, you should have peace of mind when your partner wants to spend a weekend with friends and not feel like you need to question their every move. If you don't feel like you can have that trust, it may be time to re-evaluate the strength and health of your relationship. Additionally, it's important to trust yourself! Don't try to compare your relationship to those of others. If you're happy in your relationship trust your instincts. Just because your relationship may look different than that one couple on Instagram's relationship doesn't mean that you should second guess your own feelings. As you can see, trust is essential at every level in a relationship.
4. You are a team.
This is such an important point to remember in any relationship in your life, but especially in a meaningful romantic relationship. You and your partner should have each other's backs and support each other's decisions and aspirations at every chance you get. There is a feeling of empowerment and security that comes with knowing that you have someone in your corner who will support you no matter what, and it's important to celebrate that feeling within your relationship. Also, remembering that you and your partner are on the same team can help put any disagreements or frustrations into perspective when they inevitably pop up throughout the course of your relationship. Keeping this in mind can keep any arguments from boiling over and becoming you vs. your partner. Instead, this perspective allows an opportunity for discussion and betterment of both of you for the sake of your relationship "team".
5. Don’t stress about the future.
This is a big one that I think a lot of people overlook especially when in a longer relationship. Once you've been with someone for a year, or two, or three it can be tempting to focus all of your energy on planning what the future holds. While it is important to discuss your long term goals and plans with your partner, sometimes focusing too much on the future can lead to the urge to try to control the outcome of your relationship which prevents a natural evolution for you and your partner. It's equally important to be present in what is currently happening in your relationship and to enjoy the little things that you and your partner are experiencing together in the now. Talking about where you see yourself in 5-10 years can be important when you're in a lasting relationship to make sure that you and your partner have long term plans that align, but more important is remembering to live in the present moment. This is one of the most significant lessons I have learned from my relationship, so I try to constantly remind myself to be fully present in every single day. This helps me to make sure that I am able to wholly understand and appreciate the beauty of what the present-day holds for me and my partner.
Regardless of whether or not you're currently in a romantic relationship, these five lessons can apply to how you interact with others in your personal life. If I had to summarize the above points into one main lesson that I've learned, it would be that your interpersonal relationships should bring light and joy into your life at every opportunity. I'm very lucky that my current relationship provides that for me and I hope that all of you are able to find similar happiness within your own lives. Here's wishing you the best of luck in all of your current and future relationships!
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