The death of someone you love is enough to leave you speechless. Speechless in a sense that there are actually no words on our planet that exist to explain your anger, sadness, confusion, and hopelessness.
This is not something I would typically write about or even talk about, but it’s important, and it may touch home for many people. I was 14 when my brother Tyler died. He was 19 when it happened, and he was far too young. All I could think was why did this happen to me? How will I live without him? Why did he have to die? Why, God, why did you do this to him? To me? To my family? To his friends?
The list goes on.
This is not to share my story or to tell someone how to cope, how to get over this tragedy, or what the right things to say are to your best friend who just lost someone. This is to tell you that nothing on this topic is perfectly explainable, and there is no right or wrong thing to do or say. Everybody copes differently. When your world completely flips upside down, just be there, be present, and have love in your heart.
The stages of grief are real, but they are not necessarily real for every person. However it is that you grieve, let that be what is real.
I was the person who went to school the very next day because I needed to be distracted, I needed to not be at home with my grieving family while friends came through with casseroles for the freezer. Others might want stay at home for a while in hopes to feel better by being surrounded by family and close friends. Whichever way works for you, is the way you must choose. Being told what to do or how to feel better will not work in your benefit—you have to stay true to your feelings.
From the moment you learn of what has happened, the ball is now in your court. You decide how to act and how you will get over this disaster. Personally, I was never in denial. Confusion and anger is what took over my entire soul for months. Luckily, I was surrounded by a support system that took the high road, and decided to turn a tragedy into a positive thing by creating a law in his name: Tyler’s Law.
After some time, along with an identity crisis, I began learning how to be the person I used to be. In my situation it took a lot of work from myself so that I could see that I needed to stop pushing people away and let them help me. I needed to talk about Tyler and honor his memory.
However you may grieve, actively work to figure out what is best for you. You have the power; you must decide how to get over this. For me, it was my loved ones who got me through, and once I realized that, it changed everything.
When going through something like this, it is sometimes easy to see that many of the little things we worry about in life just do not matter. Focusing on relationships with the people that are truly meant to be in your life and doing what you can to cherish those relationships is what matters. Kick out toxic people; focus on you, your family, and your friends. These are the people who genuinely care about your well-being and want to see you happy and smiling.
If anything, know that he or she is looking down and smiling at you in every aspect of your life. That person is now your guardian angel and will do absolutely anything to protect you and see you smile. Cherish this new kind of relationship and grow with it. Let it shape who are you and bring you new experiences. Do not run from it. Your body and your mind know what they are doing; so let them do their job. Let time heal wounds, and never, ever let the memory of that person be forgotten. Because, after all, they are the person that is with you at all times and in all places.
