Grief Sucks

Grief Sucks

To get through the roller coaster of grief, it's easier to just buckle up and take the ride awake and sober.
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In my short life, I have experienced a lot of grief. Grief is never easy and most the time it's a roller coaster.

Most of the time I struggle to get my head around the idea that someone is gone. It's hard to believe I can't just pick up my phone and call them, or get in the car and drive to visit them. It feels like a piece of my life is missing and nothing can fill that hole.

Many may turn to things to numb the pain. Alcohol, drugs, sleep, or adrenaline stunts. Grief sucks, but if I can get through it without those things, anyone can. To get through the roller coaster of grief, it's easier to just buckle up and take the ride awake and sober.

The roller coaster hits everyone differently, but we all feel the same five stages. Anger, bargaining, depression, denial, and acceptance. There's no certain order to this, but everyone feels them no matter how much they bottle up over a loss

At some point, I would be so angry that my loved one had passed. I would be angry at God, I would be angry at the hospital workers, even angry at my fellow peers that still had their loved ones. Why me? Why did I have to lose such a vibrant soul in my life? I eventually found myself being less angry. I listening to God and His message, and I eventually accepted the path He chose for me.

I was always in denial when I was given the news that my loved one had passed away. It just seemed like a cruel joke! It seemed impossible. Like they were just going to pop out from behind a door and say, "Ha! I fooled you!" But I eventually reached acceptance that they are gone, even if it took years.

I always found myself bargaining after someone had passed. I wished I could trade places. I wished I could do something to bring them back. I struggled with the fact that I was helpless in the situation.

The worst one of all, depression. I already struggled with this problem in my everyday life. When I lost people near and dear to my heart, I also lost my motivation. I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I found myself crying randomly at anywhere at anytime. I was medically diagnosed with this mental disorder at a young age, and I carry it with me in every situation. I've learned to accept depression and make my life work positively past the depression.

Although every loss is different and every person is different, grief sucks. I have eventually found peace with my losses but I will never "get over" them. My life is built around these losses, and I build them from the legacies left behind.

I have found peace in their letters, their emails, their photos left behind. I find comfort in the memories shared and the words they have given me. I was given the gift of empathy for those around me suffering the loss of their loved ones. I will never understand their exact journey through grief, but I can relate. No two journeys are the same when it comes to grief because everyone is different.

No matter how close I was to a person, no matter how long ago they passed, no matter how many times I go through grief, GRIEF SUCKS.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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14 Things You Relate To If You Grew Up WithOUT Any Cousins

*GASP* "What, you really don't have any cousins?"

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It always shocks every person who hears me state that I do not have any cousins. For some reason, this is just hard for people to really believe when it's actually not something impossible. I think we are all just so used to large families that it sounds weird when people say that they have no cousins. Yet, it is definitely a potential reality, and actually impossible if each of your parents is the only child to your grandparents.

Here are 14 things that you can relate to if you grew up without any cousins.

1. Nobody believes you when you say that you don't have any cousins

I'm serious, for the tenth time.

2. Your grandparents spoil you

With no other grandchildren to worry about, it's pretty easy to do.

3. You don't understand when people say that cousins are your first best friends

My best friend was my first best friend.

4. You and your siblings are always the youngest people at family events

This was simultaneosuly a good thing and a bad thing.

5. You get all of the attention at holidays

Since you're the youngest one around, then distant relatives are always doting over you.

6. Everything you do is deemed awesome by your extended family because there is nobody to compete with

It's much easier to be praised when you aren't being compared to someone similar to your age.

7. You don't know how to hold babies

You're never around them so why would you?

8. Family photos are pretty easy to coordinate

The less people, the easier.

9. Other family members spoil you just because 

Afterall, you are the only kid around...

10. The family will make comments regarding the potential for you to have a cousin as a justification for why they aren't doing something for you

When you hear, "I can't buy you too much because someday your aunt is going to have kids and I will have to do the same for them" you cringe and just had to know that all of the attention wouldn't last forever.

11. Birthdays are always a big deal

A perk of not having very many to remember.

12. If your parents' siblings own pets, then you refer to the animal as your cousin

Cat cousins, dog cousins, lizard cousins, and fish cousins can be pretty cool, actually.

13. Sometimes you dream of marrying into a big family

This is to ensure that your kids do grow up with cousins.

14. You appreciate the closeness of your tight-knit fam

Maybe the only thing you would miss if you had a big family is the opportunity to develop such close bonds with the few relatives that you do have.

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