Grief Sucks

Grief Sucks

To get through the roller coaster of grief, it's easier to just buckle up and take the ride awake and sober.
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In my short life, I have experienced a lot of grief. Grief is never easy and most the time it's a roller coaster.

Most of the time I struggle to get my head around the idea that someone is gone. It's hard to believe I can't just pick up my phone and call them, or get in the car and drive to visit them. It feels like a piece of my life is missing and nothing can fill that hole.

Many may turn to things to numb the pain. Alcohol, drugs, sleep, or adrenaline stunts. Grief sucks, but if I can get through it without those things, anyone can. To get through the roller coaster of grief, it's easier to just buckle up and take the ride awake and sober.

The roller coaster hits everyone differently, but we all feel the same five stages. Anger, bargaining, depression, denial, and acceptance. There's no certain order to this, but everyone feels them no matter how much they bottle up over a loss

At some point, I would be so angry that my loved one had passed. I would be angry at God, I would be angry at the hospital workers, even angry at my fellow peers that still had their loved ones. Why me? Why did I have to lose such a vibrant soul in my life? I eventually found myself being less angry. I listening to God and His message, and I eventually accepted the path He chose for me.

I was always in denial when I was given the news that my loved one had passed away. It just seemed like a cruel joke! It seemed impossible. Like they were just going to pop out from behind a door and say, "Ha! I fooled you!" But I eventually reached acceptance that they are gone, even if it took years.

I always found myself bargaining after someone had passed. I wished I could trade places. I wished I could do something to bring them back. I struggled with the fact that I was helpless in the situation.

The worst one of all, depression. I already struggled with this problem in my everyday life. When I lost people near and dear to my heart, I also lost my motivation. I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I found myself crying randomly at anywhere at anytime. I was medically diagnosed with this mental disorder at a young age, and I carry it with me in every situation. I've learned to accept depression and make my life work positively past the depression.

Although every loss is different and every person is different, grief sucks. I have eventually found peace with my losses but I will never "get over" them. My life is built around these losses, and I build them from the legacies left behind.

I have found peace in their letters, their emails, their photos left behind. I find comfort in the memories shared and the words they have given me. I was given the gift of empathy for those around me suffering the loss of their loved ones. I will never understand their exact journey through grief, but I can relate. No two journeys are the same when it comes to grief because everyone is different.

No matter how close I was to a person, no matter how long ago they passed, no matter how many times I go through grief, GRIEF SUCKS.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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To The Grandmothers Who Made Us The Women We Are Today

Sincerely, the loving granddaughters.
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The relationship between a grandmother and her granddaughter is something so uniquely special and something to be treasured forever.

Your grandma loves you like you are her own daughter and adores you no matter what. She is the first person you run to when you have a problem with your parents and she never fails to grace you with the most comforting advice.

She may be guilty of spoiling you rotten but still makes sure to stress the importance of being thankful and kind.

Your grandma has most likely lived through every obstacle that you are experiencing now as a young adult and always knows just exactly what to say.

She grew up in another generation where things were probably much harder for young women than they are today.

She is a walking example of perseverance, strength, and grace who you aim to be like someday.

Your grandma teaches you the lessons she had to learn the hard way because she does not want you to make the same mistakes she did when she was growing up.

Her hugs never fail to warm your heart, her smile never fails to make you smile, and her laugh never fails to brighten your day.

She inspires you to be the best version of yourself that you can be.

You only hope that one day you can be the mother and grandmother she was to you.

A piece of girl’s heart will forever belong to her grandma that no one could ever replace.

She is the matriarch of your family and is the glue that holds you all together.

Grandmothers play such an important role in helping their granddaughters to grow into strong, intelligent, kind women.

She teaches you how to love and how to forgive.

Without the unconditional love of your grandma, you would not be the woman you are today.

To all of the grandmothers out there, thank you for being you.

Sincerely,

the loving granddaughters

Cover Image Credit: Carlie Konuch

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You Don't Have To See Your Friends Every Day

We all have lives that we're trying to balance.

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For as long as I can remember, whenever I would have no plans and go on Snapchat to see all my friends having fun without me, I would get FOMO. I'd get really sad and think that they didn't care about me because they didn't invite me. It would get me in such a bad mood that it would ruin any chance of going out with someone else who wanted to hang out.

I don't know if it was just my anxiety of people hating me or if it was a fear of missing out (FOMO). Even recently, it has gotten me down. However, over the past month or so, I finally realized something: you don't have to hang out every day to still consider each other friends.

Everyone has a life that they're trying to balance, especially after high school. People work (maybe even more than one job) and go to school. Some have to take care of family members or do things for their family. Some people are focusing on themselves. Some have relationships to maintain. Whatever it is, we all have lives that we're trying to balance.

We all want to have fun, but school, work, and our families are the priorities.

Even if they're out hanging with other people, it doesn't mean that they don't want to hang out with you. Free time is served on a "first come, first serve" basis. It's hard to balance hanging out with multiple people.

I also learned that it doesn't matter the number of friends you have. What truly matters is the quality. Ask yourself, "Who's there for me when I really need someone?" The people who are there for you when you really need someone to talk to are your TRUE friends.

It's not easy to be there for someone and make them feel better. If they offer to listen or give advice, they care!

I know that it may feel like you have no friends sometimes, but that's not true. Life after high school is hard at times. You're an adult. You have to do adult things and take care of yourself first.

You have to realize that everyone has a busy schedule and not all your friends' schedules will align with yours, but that's okay! You don't need to hang out with friends every day to consider them your friends. What truly matters is if they are there for you when you need them.

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